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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/25934356">Be Here</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/Rearviewdreamer/pseuds/Rearviewdreamer'>Rearviewdreamer</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>One Direction (Band)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Bucket List, Falling In Love, M/M, Photographer Harry, gap year, happy ending of course, six months to live, stangers to lovers, travel fic, traveler louis</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-08-16</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-11-23</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-05 05:28:54</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Not Rated</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>13</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>36,333</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/25934356</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/Rearviewdreamer/pseuds/Rearviewdreamer</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>For a long time, Harry's biggest worry was figuring out what he wants to do with his life until he meets someone who shows him life isn't something to worry about necessarily. It's something you live.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Harry Styles/Louis Tomlinson</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>149</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>199</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>1. Chapter 1</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>***Trigger Warning***<br/>This features someone living with a brain tumor, however no characters will be harmed in the writing of this fic. Read fearlessly 💚</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <em>~London</em>
</p><p>It’s an extremely slow day; hands-down the slowest Harry has seen since he started working here at the outdoor adventure shop nearly a year ago to ensure he had something to keep him busy over summer hols while he contemplated taking a gap year. He finally decided to defer for a year and postpone going to uni which gave Harry the time and solace he needed to spend time behind his camera and better think through what he actually wants to do with his life. All of that was going pretty well for him until about a week ago when a letter showed up at his house reminding him of the coming semester and inquiring if he plans to attend this year.</p><p>He sighs as he wedges the crinkled, unanswered letter from his back pocket. He has no idea why he is carrying it around with him. It’s not like keeping the source of his anxiety with him at all times is helping him decide between going to uni as is expected of him or finally admitting that he simply has no interest in doing that.</p><p>Mostly, he carries the letter around because secretly, he’s hoping for some sort of a sign; something outside of himself to nudge him in one direction or another. As far as cosmic signs of fate go, Harry doesn’t have much experience. He has never seen or felt one before, but he believes in them. There’s no doubt he would be able to recognize the universe or God giving him a helpful nudge.</p><p>The bell over the shop door rings for the first time all day, startling Harry out of all thoughts about uni and the letter that keeps him up at night. Discreetly, he tucks it back into his pocket to focus on the petite man now walking around the front of the shop, venturing first to view the different skis and then over to the surfboards. He floats around to different items on the shelves for quite some time looking a little overwhelmed with so much to choose from. Harry knows he’s lost for sure when he reaches for a child-sized snowboard meant for someone about half his size.</p><p>“Er- Hello,” Harry greets him, leaving his side of the shop to go assist the lost customer who turns out to also be quite beautiful once Harry is standing closer to him. “Anything I can help you with?”</p><p>Very rarely do customers actually<em> need</em> Harry to do anything besides ring them up at the end of their visit. Most of their customers are regulars that Harry doesn’t get to interact with much. However, he is pleasantly surprised when the man perusing their extensive selection of climbing rope flashes him a smile.  </p><p>“I really must not look like I belong in here.”</p><p>His laugh is breathy and soft, effortlessly pulling a chuckle out of Harry too. “Er- <em>Sure</em> you do,” Harry insists. “You fit right in with the happy sky-diving couple,” Harry says, pointing at the tropical poster hanging above them featuring a big parachute and a pair of airbrushed abs.</p><p>Just as Harry hoped, he succeeds in making the man snort a fresh laugh.</p><p>“<em>Yeah, right</em>,” the man says at the idea of hurling himself out of a plane. “I’m going big for this holiday, but I wouldn’t be caught <em>dead</em>-”</p><p>Harry blinks at the man, expecting him to finish his sentence but all he does is sport a dark, amused grin.</p><p>“What?” Harry asks, clearly missing the punch line somehow.</p><p>“Oh, nothing,” the man says, still smirking with no signs of letting Harry in on the joke just yet. “Yes, by the way,” he smiles, making a small crease appear between Harry’s eyebrows. “To your question from before. You asked if I could use some help, and I could, so.”</p><p>“<em>Oh</em>. Of course,” Harry chuckles, rolling his eyes at himself. “I’m sorry. My name is Harry,” he introduces himself to get this conversation back on track. “You mentioned a holiday before. What can I help you find?”</p><p>“I don’t know. Anything; <em>everything</em>, I guess,” the man laughs with a shrug of his shoulders. His eyes look tired after doing so, though the rest of his expression remains bright as ever.</p><p>Helping someone shop for everything is quite the task. It’s also probably not what the customer meant. He probably just has an overwhelming list of items to get so it only seems like he needs to buy everything.</p><p>“What sorts of activities will you be doing on your holiday? Hiking? Snowboarding? Scuba diving?”</p><p>“Yes!” the man answers, clarifying when Harry frowns again in confusion. “I’m probably going to be doing all three. Plus some others. Like I said, I don’t really have a full agenda just yet.”</p><p>Harry bites down on a grin, unsure if the man is joking or not. He looks serious is the thing.</p><p>“What kind of holiday is this again?” he checks because right now it sounds like it is taking place somewhere made up.</p><p>“It’s my deathday trip,” the man answers as casually as if he just told Harry the weather.</p><p>“Sorry, a <em>what</em>?”</p><p>“You heard me right,” he chuckles. “I’m celebrating my deathday. It’s like a birthday, except instead of remembering the day I was born, I’ll be celebrating the day I’m going to die.”</p><p>“Which will be...?” Harry snorts.</p><p>“The twenty-fourth of December. Coincidentally, that is also the date I was born, but I think that just shows symmetry, you know?”</p><p>Now, Harry is certain he is being joked with. “<em>Righ</em>t.” And here Harry was thinking today was going to be just another boring day. “And how exactly do you know this?”</p><p>“Because I chose the date,” he grins as if it should be obvious.</p><p>The man seems so sure and confident in his claim that Harry starts to fear that he isn’t joking; that this man knows he is going to die on the day before Christmas because he’s going to ensure that it happens.</p><p>“Y-You don’t have to do this. Please,” Harry begs. “Whatever it is that’s upsetting you or feels hard right now, believe me, removing yourself from the equation is <em>not</em> the answer.”</p><p>The man blinks back at Harry’s adamant tone, his eyes softening to a lighter blue while his eyes crinkle up in amusement. “Well, Harry, I couldn’t agree more,” he smiles. “The only thing being removed from any equation that day is the pesky glioma growing right about here,” he says, pointing at his left temple and confusing Harry even more. “Brain tumor. I’m having surgery to try and remove it,” the man explains and suddenly things start making more sense. Sort of.</p><p>Harry breathes a sigh of relief and allows himself to deflate realizing his customer <em>isn’t </em>thinking suicide. However, he’s still greatly concerned.</p><p>“But... they’re operating,” Harry infers. “They’re going to take it out.”</p><p>“Uh, no. I said they’re going to <em>try</em> and take it out,” he corrects Harry. “Long story short is some tumors are easy to reach and some aren’t. I’ve got a stubborn one and if it is even able to be removed despite extremely low odds, the chances of me and my brain walking away unharmed are even lower.”</p><p>That sounds... hard. And, severely unfair.</p><p>Harry doesn’t know this man. They’ve barely known each other ten minutes, and already Harry knows he doesn’t deserve this. No one does. He’s too young; too beautiful, bright, and shiny. And yet, somehow there’s a carefree smile on his face.</p><p>“It’s inoperable,” Harry whispers mostly because it sounds like a cruel joke.</p><p>“It’s inoperable,” the man confirms, his eyes still exhausted, but his grin still in place. “<em>But,</em> there’s a new experimental surgery that may work. Or, it may not. It’ll probably kill me, but so will leaving the tumor where it is, so really, I’ve got nothing to lose. Hence my big deathday holiday,” he beams. “I’m already doomed, I might as well go out with a bang.”</p><p>That seems... morbid. Harry can’t believe the man isn’t freaking out about the fact that in six months he’s going to have a piece of his brain cut out and he might not wake up from it. Harry would be freaking out. He definitely wouldn’t be in an outdoor adventure shop planning a vacation as a fuck you to death. That just shows how much more resilient this man is compared to him. He may be the boldest and bravest person Harry has ever met.</p><p>“I’m so sorry...?”</p><p>“<em>Louis</em>,” the man fills in for him. “And don’t be. I’m about to see the <em>world</em>. I’m going to visit cool places and climb mountains. I may even skydive shirtless over an active volcano,” he jokes, glancing at the photoshopped poster above him, the sudden movement making him so unsteady on his feet that he grabs Harry’s forearm for balance.</p><p>He lets go almost immediately, his cheeks a ripe pink shade as he winces up at Harry. “Sorry about that. I feel lightheaded sometimes which is funny. You’d think a bloody tumor would carry <em>more</em> weight, but, nope.”</p><p>It is funny. Harry can’t help but crack a smile, it’s so funny. However, it isn’t enough to distract Harry from the fact that Louis’ dream of adventure and globe-trotting may be more difficult than he thinks. It’s hard to imagine Louis climbing mountains and skydiving when looking up too quickly makes him woozy.</p><p>“So, you’re going on a six-month holiday.”</p><p>“Deathday holiday. And, yep. That’s the plan,” Louis grins once he has recovered and he looks less nauseous.</p><p>“Alone?” Harry asks after a beat, immediately regretting doing so when Louis fondly rolls his eyes.</p><p>“You think I’m going to die mid-hike, don’t you?” Harry furiously shakes his head even though Louis’ assumption is spot on. “You do because you’re giving me the exact same look my doctors and my family gave me when I pitched the idea to them,” Louis snorts. “It’s okay to think I’m insane. Most people do.”</p><p>“Most people also think they have more than six months to live life to the fullest, so throwing yourself a big party makes sense.”</p><p>Louis’ expression brightens even more upon hearing Harry say that. “YESSS! Finally someone who <em>gets</em> it!” he exclaims. “I mean, who wants to sit around moping when you could be sipping drinks on a beach somewhere?”</p><p>“I can’t lie, that does sound pretty amazing,” Harry admits. He’d trade work for shoreside drinks any day.</p><p>“It will be. You’re welcome to come with. But, be warned, mate, I do <em>not</em> share margaritas. You’re on your own there. Other than that, we should get along great. And besides, someone’s got to keep me away from the volcanoes.”</p><p>Harry snorts a laugh at Louis, only realizing Louis was being serious when he doesn’t laugh along.</p><p>“Wait...” Harry frowns. “You didn’t mean... I mean- You’re not suggesting that <em>I</em>-”</p><p>“Come with me? Well, <em>yeah</em>. Unless of course you’re not interested.”</p><p>A holiday would be incredible. He often stands right here in this shop daydreaming of this very scenario; a once in a lifetime getaway where none of Harry’s troubles can follow. That isn’t reality of course. At least not for him. He has this job that he took specifically to save money and keep out of trouble. And then of course there’s the note that he’s suddenly hyper aware of sitting heavy in his back pocket. He has already taken one unexpected gap year. He can’t take another. Or rather, he <em>shouldn’t</em>.</p><p>“Let’s just focus on you and all the gear you’ll need for now,” Harry grins, politely declining Louis’ offer to gallivant across the world together. It’s a lovely dream. It would’ve also made a pretty good reality had Harry actually said yes; a point driven home even more with Louis’ shrugged ‘suit yourself’.</p><p>From then on, all discussion about Louis and his holiday are focused on just that; Louis and his holiday. That makes it much easier for Harry to help him shop for boots he can hike in and thick socks that won’t leave his feet feeling like ice cubes after a couple of hours in the snow. Louis plans to swim over the great barrier reef, walk The Great Wall, meet an elephant, a penguin, and a polar bear. He says he wants to do all the things he loves, all the things he has never done, and all the things he never would’ve tried if not for his very tight timeline. It sounds like it will be a lot for him to get through in just six short months, but he’s determined to do it and to have fun the entire time. Surprisingly, he still seems to think Harry would be instrumental in achieving those goals, so he tries baiting him into tagging along one last time.</p><p>“Okay fine. I will think about splitting <em>one</em> margarita with you. Final offer,” he proposes as Harry finishes ringing up all his purchases and bagging them.</p><p>“How kind of you,” Harry snorts. “Thanks, but again, no thanks. This is<em> your</em> once in a lifetime trip, remember? Not mine.”</p><p>Harry hands Louis a bag filled with his new adventure gear. He accepts it as well as Harry’s choice to stay put.</p><p>“Alright, alright. I’ll go. You have a fun summer here with all your exciting customers,” Louis tells him, with a glance around the empty shop. “Goodbye, Harry. It was nice to meet you.”</p><p>“You too,” Harry says, and he means that. Chatting with Louis is the most fun he has had in a long time. He hardly even thought about uni, the letter, his possible photography career, or any of the shit constantly bouncing around his mind. He simply forgot about it. Almost like magic. The thought of having that kind of peace and clarity more often is almost too tempting to pass up. If anything, having less to worry about would give him space to really think about his future and where he wants to end up in his life. And, most importantly, Harry <em>did</em> ask for a sign. If Louis waltzing in here and offering him the trip of a lifetime isn’t a sign from the Gods then he doesn’t know what is.</p><p>It is that, the idea of an epic gap year, and the thought of getting to know someone he already thinks the world of are what finally get to Harry and make him call out to Louis just as he’s reaching the exit.</p><p>“When are you leaving?” Harry asks, making Louis freeze with his right hand on the door.  “For your holiday, I mean,” Harry clarifies. “When do you fly out?”</p><p>Louis turns to face him sporting a huge triumphant smirk. “Why?” he asks. “You interested in blowing off this place?” It’s crazy and random and potentially one of the most spontaneous and questionable things Harry has ever done besides randomly deciding to take his first gap year. And yet, none of that makes him any less inclined to do it.</p><p>“Yeah, I’m interested,” he smiles back.</p><p>----</p><p>Spending the last year working at an outdoor adventure shop sure comes in handy for Harry when he packs up his life into two duffle bags two weeks after meeting Louis Tomlinson. He still can’t believe that in just a few hours, the two of them will be off to Rome; their first stop in a long list of destinations. Letting that sink in hasn’t been an easy process mostly because this whole thing was so unexpected, and not just for Harry.</p><p>“Love, are you sure this is a good idea?” his mother asks where she’s perched at the foot of his bed watching him deliberate between packing his standard camera lens or his 22mm wide angle.</p><p>“Everything’s going to be fine, mum. You worry too much,” he tells her as he decides on taking both lenses just to be on the safe side. Once they’re packed, he notices his mother eyeing him with concern.</p><p>“I have a right to be worried, you know. I know that you’re taking time for yourself. You’re still figuring things out, and you using this holiday to do that is a great opportunity, but...”</p><p>Harry sits down next to her now that everything is packed and he’s officially ready to go. “But, what?” he asks even though he knows full well what’s bothering her about this spur of the moment decision he made.</p><p>“It’s not just you I’m thinking about,” she admits. “I worry about you traveling the world with someone you barely know and who is so ill.”</p><p>As much as Harry wishes Louis and his tumor weren’t a point of concern, it is. After agreeing to Louis’ deathday holiday, even Harry started having second thoughts. However, after talking to Louis about his concerns and even getting reassurance from Louis’ doctors, Harry feels much better. He now knows more about Louis, his limitations, and his stubbornness to accept them sometimes. He now knows what to do and who to contact in case of an emergency. Generally, he feels like he knows what he’s getting himself into which has given him great peace of mind. His mother isn’t quite there yet. After meeting Louis a few days ago, she seemed more at ease about them taking off together, but she’s still a mum. She’s Harry’s mum, which is why Harry does his best to reassure her the same way Louis reassured him.</p><p>“He’s not dead yet,” Harry grins, echoing Louis’ exact words. What Louis failed to mention is the fact that he may not be dead come December either. Louis may very well pull through his surgery and be fine. Harry hopes so anyway. “He’s going to be fine and I’m going to be fine,” Harry assures his mother with a grin. “And, if something does happen, we’ll look out for each other. We promised.”</p><p>Harry never goes back on his word. He hasn’t known Louis for long, but he seems the type to keep his word too. Really, that’s all Harry can ask for in this arrangement.</p><p> </p><p>The sun is just starting to set by the time Harry arrives at the airport to meet Louis with his mum and his duffle bags in tow. He doesn’t have to look very hard to locate his travel partner. He’s the man toting two large bags of his own and surrounded by more than a dozen people all clamoring to hug and kiss him goodbye.</p><p>Louis spots him and grins over his sister’s shoulder, fondly rolling his eyes as he’s squeezed tight around the middle. It’s a long time before he is released, but as soon as he is, he is grabbed by yet another family member and hugged as tight as possible. He manages to wiggle free, mouthing a grateful ‘thank you’ when Harry’s arrival steals some of the spotlight.</p><p>“Hello!” Harry greets everyone, realizing too late that the vibe isn’t as chipper as Harry currently is. He assumes a lot of that is due to the fact that they’re here to send Louis off rather than going with him. Or, better yet, making him stay here.</p><p>It’s understandable why they’d want to keep Louis around. Harry has only known him two weeks and he’s already overly fond of him and his company. He can’t help but think how lucky all these people are to have known Louis his whole life.</p><p>Even though Harry is a newcomer to the group, he receives hugs and well-wishes for their trip too. By the time he has gone through everyone including his mum, it’s time for him and Louis to go.</p><p>“I hate to end the love fest, but it’s getting late and we’ve got bags to check and security to get through,” Louis says, triggering another wave of hugs from his aunts, uncles, grandparents, friends, and all six of his siblings. Louis smiles and laughs the whole time he’s passed around like a human pillow, assuring everyone that he’ll be back before they even start to miss him. And, that he’ll call and text enough to annoy the living hell out of them. Harry has no doubt that every one of Louis’ loved ones is going to hold him to that promise.</p><p>Once the two of them manage to finally leave their big farewell party, moving through the airport and to their terminal goes much faster than they were anticipating. The sky is still bright orange and pink by the time they are boarding the plane.</p><p>Louis releases a long, weary sigh once he’s settled into his seat next to the window, seemingly able to relax now that they aren’t in such a hurry.</p><p>“Better?” Harry asks, prompting the corner of Louis’ lips to raise in a smirk.</p><p>“Yeah, loads,” he answers. “Especially now that I’m free of the mob.”</p><p>Harry assumes he means their families. Particularly, Louis’ family who probably would’ve stood there all night telling Louis how much they love him if Louis would’ve allowed it.</p><p>“Aww, I think it’s great you’re all so close. It’s sweet,” Harry grins only for Louis to fondly roll his eyes.</p><p>“It’s not. They’re just covering their bases in case I croak on this trip.”</p><p>“Th- That’s a joke, right? You’re joking?” Harry chuckles, not really seeing the comedy in Louis croaking on him mid-holiday. Considering they are about to embark on the biggest adventure of their lives together, he <em>better</em> be joking. Though, the amused shrug Louis gives in answer isn’t exactly comforting. Neither is the ‘<em>Maybe</em>’ he chirps a beat later.</p><p>Harry can still feel himself frowning, trying to mentally calculate the likelihood of Louis <em>actually</em> dying on this trip when a voice comes over the plane’s speaker system to remind everyone to shut off their phones. Harry’s has been vibrating nonstop ever since he announced to his friends and family that he was leaving for a few months. As expected, he has received dozens of messages wishing him safe travels since the last time he checked his phone. But, also, an email from his university expressing their disappointment about him prolonging his enrollment even further.</p><p>He can’t explain why, but knowing that he only gets two rainchecks on starting uni before his acceptance is withdrawn and they fill his spot makes his chest feel tight. That means that this is really it. This time next year, he will be touring his new campus rather than touring around the world. Unless of course, he ultimately decides against uni altogether, which also makes his chest feel tight because if that’s the case, he’s been wasting all this time going back and forth in his head about something that doesn’t even matter.</p><p>“Sir? Your phone, please,” a voice says above Harry, causing him to jump a bit from the proximity.</p><p>“Sorry,” Harry apologizes to the stewardess as he fumbles to close out his email and turn off his phone.</p><p>He sighs in relief once his phone goes black; partly because he’s no longer being eyed by members of the cabin crew for not following instructions, but mostly because with his phone off, there’s nothing to remind him of uni and the fact that he’s not currently there.</p><p>“So, Manchester, eh?” Louis comments, causing Harry to jump a second time because he had no idea Louis was paying attention to him this whole time.</p><p>Harry tries to play it off with a grin, but it must look so tight that he appears more anxious than anything else.</p><p>“Well, you look chuffed,” Louis chuckles, rolling his eyes at Harry’s surprised <em>‘really?’. </em>“<em>No</em>,” Louis snorts. “You look fucking miserable. What’s up?”</p><p>“It’s nothing,” Harry shakes his head, but Louis doesn’t buy it, quirking an eyebrow at him just as the cabin crew begins demonstrating emergency protocol.</p><p>“If you say so,” Louis mumbles just loud enough to goad Harry into sharing soon after.</p><p>“I already took a gap year. That’s why I was working at the shop. Now, here I am taking another and it’s the last one I get, so I’m essentially fucked after this. I need to start working on this photography degree or I’m never going to have one, AND I still can’t even decide if I want to<em> go</em> to uni in the first place so I'm <em>double</em> fucked,” Harry finishes in one big rush of air as Louis just blinks at him.</p><p>He and Louis have only known each other for a little while, so all of that might have been too much. Harry hasn’t expressed his fears about his decision time running out to anyone besides Louis, so he’s having trouble interpreting Louis’ fond grin.</p><p>“What? What did I say?” Harry asks as the cabin lights dim and the plane begins to roll back from the jetway. Something he said must’ve been funny for Louis to look at him like that. But, whatever it was, Louis doesn’t say. He just continues grinning to himself as he stares out the window until the dark grey tarmac becomes bright orange sky.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0002"><h2>2. Chapter 2</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p> </p><p>
  <em>~Rome</em>
</p><p>It’s nearly pitch-black by the time they land in Italy’s capital, but the city lights are so bright and beautiful that they have no trouble marveling at the centuries-old structures shooting up from the ancient cobblestones. When Louis had laid out their partial itinerary for the next few months, Harry had been surprised to see Rome as the first stop. He didn’t think initially think anything special about it besides a bunch of old buildings, but now, Harry sees why Louis would want to kick off their holiday here. It’s breathtaking.</p><p>They leave the airport with their things and head straight for their hotel, not even bothered by all the traffic keeping their taxi moving at about half the speed it should be. It’s much easier to see everything that way including Louis’ smile highlighted by every streetlamp they pass.</p><p>They are only a few minutes from their hotel when their taxi finally starts to pick up speed, however, they don’t get very far after Louis suddenly gasps and yells for their driver to stop. </p><p>Harry’s heart is pounding in his throat as he strains his eyes in the still, dark car. “Louis? What happened? Are you alright?” he demands, his mind running wild with every scary thought about this trip that he worked so hard to dismiss. However, when Louis finally turns from the window, Harry is able to make out the same bright, happy smile from before.</p><p>“It’s the place I read about! We have to go in there!” he says pointing out the window at the mammoth of a building just across from them while simultaneously handing their driver enough money to cover their partial journey from the airport. “Come on! We’re close enough, we can walk the rest of the way!” he exclaims, already hopping out of the backseat to grab their bags from the boot.</p><p>“Er- O- Okay. Sure,” Harry nods, still not even sure what the hell Louis has him agreeing to as he crawls over the back seat to follow him. It’s funny how that keeps happening. What’s even funnier is that Harry never really questions it.</p><p>Louis hands him both of his duffle bags just as their taxi drives off, leaving them standing before the building that caught Louis’ eye.</p><p>“Um, what did you say this place is again?” Harry asks as Louis’ lips curl into a smirk.</p><p>“I didn’t say. But, trust me. You’ll like it,” he promises, leading the way through the entrance of what looks to be an ordinary restaurant and bar until Louis asks one of the waitresses to take them up a long, winding staircase to a large empty terrace overlooking the city below. “Told you, you’d like it,” Louis brags, gently dropping his things at their feet to stand on the bottom rung of the railing to get an even better view.</p><p>Their waitress returns with two shot glasses of tequila and two tall glasses of red wine as Louis requested. She leaves and Harry reaches for one of the many beverages on the tray, frowning when Louis lightly slaps his hand in reprimand.</p><p>“<em>Heeey</em>,” Harry complains as Louis takes over distributing their drinks, starting first with the tequila. “That hurt.”</p><p>“Fuck off. It did not,” he smirks, his blue eyes scanning the glittering view before meeting Harry’s gaze. “First, a toast,” he proposes.</p><p>“Alright,” Harry agrees easily. “To what? Rome? To finally starting this holiday?”</p><p>Louis’ eyes briefly narrow as he ponders the suggestions, but in the end, he decides against it.</p><p>“To life and living, and getting the chance to learn the difference,” he chooses instead before tossing back the shot that burns enough to make Louis scrunch his eyes shut.</p><p>Harry has never really stopped to think about the difference between the two things Louis just toasted. He doesn’t stop to think about it now either as he follows suit and tosses back his shot. The cool liquid tingles and warms Harry from the inside out making him feel like he is officially on holiday. He is happier and more content than he was even just a few minutes ago, so he wonders if that’s the difference between life and living for Louis, and ultimately the whole point of this trip; feeling better.</p><p>Harry places down the empty glass on the tray and then looks to Louis for cues. “We’ve officially kicked off the trip of a lifetime with booze. Now what?” he grins, happily accepting the tall glass of whatever Louis ordered them that smells fucking delicious. </p><p>“Now, we relax, we sip this vintage Montalcino, and we admire this gorgeous view for as long as we want because we’ve got nowhere else to be.”</p><p>That sounds good to Harry. Even better once he tries the wine picked out for him and realizes it tastes just as good as it smells.</p><p> </p><p>There’s no way of knowing how long they stay up on that terrace simply soaking in the moment, but they’re both exhausted by the time they finally leave to walk to their hotel. There is a decent size; small, but enough space for two as they work around each other to get ready for bed.</p><p>Harry’s routine is fairly simple; a quick shower and brush of his teeth, dirty clothes in the ‘need to wash’ section of his clothes duffel, and a round of goodnight texts to his family and friends before star-fishing face-first into his bed. When he lifts his head to settle into bed more comfortably, he can’t help but notice how different things are on the other side of the room.</p><p>Louis’ bedtime routine is anything but simple. He gets undressed, showers, and brushes his teeth the same as Harry, however it takes him more than twice as long to FaceTime and text his loved ones and wish them a good night. Afterwards, he doesn’t just hop into bed. First, he digs a bag of Yorkshire tea out of one of the many compartments of his duffle bag and then ambles around the hotel room making a warm cuppa with the little electric kettle he brought with him. While it steeps, he digs around his duffle for several bottles of medication, counts out the correct dosage, and lines up all the pills on the bedside table. The last step is him taking his pills with a few sips of his tea before pulling back his duvet and curling up to drink the rest of it with an old travel book.</p><p>The book looks older than him, the paperback cover all creased and wrinkled just like it’s thin, dog-eared pages. It has to be as outdated as it seems. Harry wonders where on Earth he got such a relic and why with the limited space they have, he lugged it on this trip. Whatever the reason, it was obviously a good call because he keeps grinning to himself as he flips through the pages.</p><p>“So, what’s the big plan for tomorrow?” Harry asks once Louis sets his book and empty mug on the bedside table.</p><p>Louis blinks across the room at him, looking surprised to see Harry still awake and blinking at him. “Sorry. I didn’t realize I was keeping you up.”</p><p>“You’re not,” Harry assures him. “It usually takes me a while to drift off.”</p><p>“Same here,” Louis reveals. “Tea helps. Among other things,” he says with a smirk before switching off the bedside lamp and plunging their small room into darkness.</p><p>Harry can’t tell if ‘other things’ was meant to sound as suggestive as it did. Probably so, knowing Louis’ particular sense of humor which Harry appreciates more and more the longer they know each other.</p><p>“So, tomorrow?” Harry asks again, listening to Louis punch his pillows into shape and find a comfortable position. “What are we seeing first?”</p><p>Louis’ side of the room falls quiet and still apart from the deep, contented sigh he releases as he mulls over the itinerary he mostly keeps in his head.</p><p>“Tomorrow; day <em>one</em>,” he says wistfully. “Well, the big Colosseum is the coolest thing here so we’re starting there, <em>obviously</em>.”</p><p>That decision was obvious only to Louis, but Harry isn’t bothered by starting off with a bang. “Obviously,” parrots back with a grin. “What next?”</p><p>“The ruins are supposed to be a must see too. So is the Sistine Chapel,” he rattles off. “Now, The Trevi Fountain was never really on <em>my</em> list of things to see, but it was for her, so. A touristy coin toss it is,” he chuckles.</p><p>“Her?” Harry asks after a beat. He has a pretty good idea of who Louis is referring to because someone has been glaringly absent over the past couple of weeks.</p><p>Louis doesn’t immediately answer which makes Harry think he may have overstepped. However, when Louis finally answers, he realizes Louis didn’t go quiet because he’s upset. He went quiet because he’s smiling so hard.</p><p>“My mum,” he says fondly. “The whole inspiration for my big deathday holiday adventure.”</p><p>Harry has never heard Louis speak of his mother until now, but already Harry can tell she isn’t here anymore and that he loves her regardless.</p><p>“Did she take one? A deathday holiday?”</p><p>“Uh, not exactly,” Louis answers. “She wanted to though. Planned it all out and everything, but she never got the chance to <em>actually</em> do it. That’s why I want to. I owe it to her. And, to myself.”</p><p>Somehow, hearing that makes Harry admire Louis even more. It also makes Harry proud to be the person he chose for this; to bring along on his journey that means way more to him than Harry could possibly imagine.</p><p>“So, the Colosseum tomorrow,” Harry grins. “Do you think they filmed any of Gladiator there?”</p><p>“If they didn’t, I’m fucking walking out,” Louis quips back.</p><p>Harry kind of likes that he can’t tell if it’s an empty threat. He also can’t wait to find out.</p><p> </p><p>The next morning Harry is forced awake by the sound of Louis zipping around their hotel room like it isn’t still pitch-black outside. He didn’t initially take Louis to be such a morning person, but clearly, he can be motivated to do anything when he’s buzzing about their day.</p><p>“Morning,” Harry croaks as he sits up in bed to see his roommate fully dressed and drinking on one of two room service coffees that have magically appeared on their bedside table. He reaches for the other one, assuming it was ordered for him. “How long have you been up?”</p><p>“Mmm, don’t know. An hour?” Louis shrugs where he’s rummaging through a duffle bag. <em>Harry’s </em>duffle bag he realizes when Louis extracts his camera bag from it and gently tosses it onto Harry’s bed. “First Colosseum tour of the day starts in forty minutes,” Louis announces to Harry who is only half awake at this point.</p><p>“Er- Would it be possible for us to maybe join the second Colosseum tour of the day?” Preferably even the third or fourth if it means he can lie in bed a bit longer.</p><p>“Let me get this straight. You, an amazing photographer, want to trade standing inside a two-thousand-year-old Roman ruin during sunrise for a <em>nap</em>?”</p><p>The fact that they have less than an hour to get to the Colosseum should be Harry’s main focus right now, but it isn’t. Especially since Louis has yet to see a single photograph he has taken.</p><p>“Amazing, huh? Who said I was amazing?” he smirks.</p><p>“Wild guess.” Louis’ cheeky yet sure smirk somehow validates Harry as a photographer and warms the apples of his cheeks.  </p><p> </p><p>The walk to the Colosseum changes from midnight to deep purple that brightens to a beautiful sunrise that is well worth their early start. Louis was right, Harry can’t seem to take enough pictures of the old stone walls jutting up into an orange and rose-colored sky. The only other photos that can compare are the ones he snaps of Louis’ flat expression after finding out most of Gladiator was not filmed there.</p><p>“Alright, this place is a sham. I’m out,” he jokes, backing away from the tour group until Harry catches him by the arm and keeps him there long enough to learn that part of the Lizzie McGuire Movie <em>was</em> filmed there. “Okay, never mind. I spoke too soon,” Louis smiles, and Harry snaps a photo of that too.</p><p>From there, it’s a nonstop day of exploring and tours leaving Harry so exhausted that by the time they finally reach the Trevi fountain, he’s spent. It’s only day one and Harry already needs a week-long nap to recover. He can’t imagine how he’s going to do this every day for the next six months. Even crazier is thinking about Louis having the stamina to do this every day for the next six months. But, perhaps Harry is worrying over nothing because Louis looks just fine standing in front of the massive fountain preparing to make his wish.</p><p>Louis spends quite a bit of time turning his coin over in his hands. Whatever wish he’s going to make, it must be a good one because he thinks on it for several minutes before confidently flicking the coin into the water. He glances expectantly at Harry after doing so, waiting for him to follow his lead.</p><p>Suddenly, the coin in the palm of Harry’s hand feels like lead; the same as Harry’s chest as he looks around at everyone happily tossing coins into the water. They probably had something very specific in mind to wish for; some dream they hope to one day achieve. For some reason, uni pops into Harry’s head, but not because he’s wishing to get into the uni of his dreams. It’s because despite already doing that, he doesn’t actually want to go.</p><p>Not appreciating his already good fortune makes him feel guilty. Especially in the presence of someone like Louis who has much bigger problems than wanting to bail on getting a bloody photography degree. In the end, he doesn’t toss the coin. It’d just be a waste if he did so without something worth wishing for.</p><p>When he glances to his left, Louis is watching him again, but instead of commenting on how anxious Harry probably looks, he smiles at Harry the same way he did on the plane here.</p><p>“It’s getting late. Ready to head back?” Louis asks knowingly, rescuing Harry from having to explain anything out loud.</p><p>“Yeah,” Harry nods back. “We should probably get something to eat soon anyway,” Harry suggests, glad to do something other than think about fucking uni.</p><p> </p><p>Back in their hotel room, Harry realizes his initial impressions of Louis’ seemingly boundless energy level weren’t totally accurate. Actually, he was wrong entirely because not only is Louis tired after a long day packed with sightseeing, he’s exhausted and apparently not really feeling one hundred percent.</p><p>Due to his tumor, Louis gets headaches sometimes and his pain medication doesn’t always get rid of them. Tonight, his medication works perfectly and he’s feeling better within minutes. However, the medication can also make Louis feel nauseous so when it comes time to make their five-star dinner reservation across town, he decides it’s best for him to skip it.</p><p>It sucks that he can’t go. Not just because Harry was looking forward to it, but because their restaurant of choice was the last thing left on Louis’ Rome list and he’s certain he won’t get the chance to come back. Harry is a bit more optimistic about the situation. The way he sees it, this whole deathday holiday may be just a regular holiday because Louis may very well come out of his surgery just fine. True, the odds of that happening aren’t the greatest, but the thing about odds is there’s always more than one outcome to consider so Harry is choosing to side with optimism. Either way, no level of hopeful outlook is going to help them tonight because Louis isn’t feeling his best. And since they won’t be leaving their hotel for a five-star meal, they decide to swap trousers for joggers and order in something just as delicious. </p><p>Pizza may not be gourmet, but the place they order from has four and a half stars on Yelp and enough raving reviews that it doesn’t matter. It certainly tastes like gourmet. Once Louis’ stomach is settled, they eat so much they can’t move from their surprisingly comfortable positions lying opposite one another on the floor. Harry’s blood slowly rushes from his toes and feet still up on the bed and it makes him smile because he and sister did this all the time when they were little.</p><p>“Oi, Harry,” someone says just a few centimeters away from Harry’s head. When he opens his eyes and looks to his left it isn’t his older sister Gemma grinning at him; it’s Louis.</p><p>“Hmm?” Harry asks, noticing just how wonderfully blue Louis’ eyes are this close up.</p><p>“You didn’t make a wish earlier,” he comments.</p><p>When Louis first pretended not to notice Harry stressing at Trevi Fountain, Harry assumed they’d just continue playing that game and never talk about it. Clearly, he was wrong.</p><p>“I... made a wish,” he mumbles and not very convincingly if Louis’ flat expression is anything to go by.</p><p>“Was it to be a better liar?” Louis snorts, drawing even more attention to his eyes when they crinkle up in amusement. “Because, I’ve gotta say, H, I’m not sure the fountain’s following through.”</p><p>Harry can’t help the big, shy smile that Louis pulls out of him. It’s crazy how effortless that is for Louis.</p><p>“<em>No,” </em>Harry laughs. “I didn’t wish to be a better liar.” He didn’t wish for anything at all and clearly, Louis knows that, reaching out to smooth the hard worry line between Harry’s brows. Nothing about it is sensual or meant to convey anything more than Louis’ promise to be a friend and look out for him. And yet, Harry’s entire stomach is alive and fluttering from the touch.</p><p>“What’s on your mind?” Louis pushes, patiently blinking at Harry until he cracks.</p><p>“Same old, same old,” Harry admits with a huff.</p><p>“Uni?” Louis asks knowingly.</p><p>“Uni.”</p><p>“Oh god,” Louis groans with a facepalm. As expected, Louis chuckles to himself, biting down on his grin like he’s in on some joke that Harry just doesn’t get.</p><p>“<em>What?</em>” Harry laughs unable to withstand the suspense any longer. “What’s so funny about that?”</p><p>“Nothing!” he insists, still clearly amused by something as the room fills with his giggles. “It’s not funny, it’s not. It’s just... Mate, <em>fuck</em> uni and anything else in your way. It’s not like you actually <em>need</em> it.”</p><p>That sounds lovely. In a perfect world which they certainly <em>don’t</em> live in.</p><p>“You think I’m insane,” Louis realizes when Harry rolls his eyes. Yeah, Louis is sounding a little crazy right now, but what he says next makes more sense to Harry than anything else Harry has heard in the past year. “Haz. Did <em>uni </em>teach you to take all those beyond amazing photos today?”</p><p>Apparently, Louis wasn’t just exaggerating earlier when he scrolled through their Roman day as captured by Harry and couldn’t stop gushing. And, apparently, that wasn’t a rhetorical question since Louis is currently staring at Harry with his eyebrow quirked high. “No?” Harry answers after a beat, receiving the biggest confidence boost ever just from Louis’ sure smirk.</p><p>“Exactly. So, fuck it.” When he puts it that way, all of Harry’s worrying seems so silly and things seem so simple. “Take it from me, you only get this <em>one</em> life. Don’t waste it doing shit you don’t want to do.” Louis’ voice sounds as sure as ever if not slightly envious of Harry’s luck to be able to choose the path he wants. It’s also possible that he’s fed up with Harry whinging about school. “All I’m saying is, uni gives out degrees, not talent. If you want to be a photographer, then <em>be</em> a bloody photographer.”</p><p>“<em>Fine</em>. Maybe I will,” Harry scoffs, unsure if Louis’ non-pitying, tough-love speech is a really effective pep talk technique or just Louis’ way of riling him up.</p><p>“<em>Good</em>. You should.”</p><p>“<em>Great</em>. I <em>will</em>,” Harry says to one-up him, realizing that within a matter of seconds, he just deciding he’s <em>not</em> going to uni and his chest feels so much lighter for it. Well, he decided with Louis’ help of course.</p><p>For the first time, that actually feels right to Harry. It feels like he is finally following his heart instead of his brain. So, maybe Louis isn’t crazy after all. It’s possible he’s a mastermind; evil, of course.</p><p>“...I guess you’re sort of right. I don’t necessarily <em>need</em> uni to do what I want to do,” Harry decides after a while of thinking it over, his stomach fluttering all over again when Louis uses his index finger to poke him in one of his dimples.</p><p>“First rule of Fight Club; I am <em>always </em>right,” Louis teases. “Welcome to my world.”</p><p>So far, Harry doesn’t regret receiving an invitation. Not one bit.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0003"><h2>3. Chapter 3</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <em>~Sydney                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                     ~2 weeks later</em>
</p><p>They touch down in sunny Australia on a Wednesday, just hours after drinking their way through Venice, Florence, and Naples on back-to-back wine tours. Harry never knew he could drink so much and live to tell the tale, but he did it. Not that it was a hard job with Louis matching him glass for glass. He expects nothing less while they’re down under except this time maybe the two of them matching each other pint-for-pint.</p><p>All of their rooms in Italy were quaint and charming little suites, and the complete opposite from their room in Sydney that’s big, bright, and right on the water.</p><p>The first thing Harry does when they step inside is claim his big bed comfy by running and flopping onto it. Louis doesn’t do the same. Instead, he heads straight for the mini bar and pours them both a fresh shot of tequila to kick off the next leg of their holiday.</p><p>“For me? You shouldn’t have,” Harry jokes when Louis walks over with the drinks in his hands.</p><p>“Oh, I didn’t. These are both for me,” Louis jokes back, kicking at Harry’s foot dangling off the bed to force him up.</p><p>“To life and living?” Harry suggests, echoing their last toast. However, he stops just short of tipping back his glass when Louis pulls a face. “What?”</p><p>“Weeell. We’ve been there, done that mantra,” Louis shrugs. “I think it’s time we add a new one, don’t you?”</p><p>Harry agrees, blinking in surprise when Louis gestures for him to do the honors. He plays around with a few potential toasts in his head about appreciating this opportunity and having fun. In the end, there’s only one thing that seems fitting giving their spectacular view of the ocean.</p><p>“To us going down... <em>under</em>,” Harry toasts, delighting in the cheeky smirk and quirk of an eyebrow he manages to pull out of Louis.</p><p>“Promises, promises,” he teases just before raising his glass up to Harry’s and tipping it back.</p><p> </p><p>Although they covered a lot of ground in Italy, everything they did had a very leisurely vibe. That is not the case in Australia. They jump right into their full itinerary by trading peaceful countryside vineyards for sunshine and adventure.</p><p>The beach is their first stop and it’s well worth the wait for Harry when he gets to lie back on the golden sand. Louis is much too restless for lounging around in the sun, so he spends most of his time learning to surf and getting pretty damn good at it. He looks good doing it too which is merely an observation. A very golden, very beautiful observation that Harry can’t resist breaking out his camera and snapping a few shots of.</p><p>The next morning, they decide to keep enjoying the Australian waters with an all-day boat tour around some of the marinas. They even get to sail out at dusk to watch the sun dip below the ocean in an explosion of deep oranges and reds. It’s the perfect end to a perfect day that only gets better that night when they take a nighttime stroll through the city’s center.</p><p>They pick their dinner and drinks spot from Louis’ old travel book that remains a popular place to visit based on how many people are crammed inside. Up at the bar, it’s a fight just to order, but the wait is well worth it after Louis manages to secure them a couple of pints.</p><p>“One for you,” Louis grins, handing Harry a tall, cool Guinness. “And, one for- <em>Oh</em>.”</p><p>That isn’t how Harry expected Louis to end that sentence. But, with the way the man behind the bar is smiling at Louis after rejecting the money for the beers, Harry can see why he’s a bit distracted.</p><p>“I didn’t realize drinks were free tonight,” Louis says to the ginger-haired man ignoring all his other customers now that he’s got the special attention of one.</p><p>“They are for you. I’m Rob,” the man smiles, extending a large, open hand across the bar. “What should I call you?” he asks, making Louis almost blush as he chuckles to himself.</p><p>Suddenly, Harry feels awkward standing in their little bubble. It’s clear that Rob likes Louis and that there is a mutual attraction here. Harry assumed their night would end with just the two of them back in their hotel room, but maybe not. Out of all the things they discussed prior to going on this holiday, hookups was not one of them. They don’t really have a protocol for that, but Harry definitely wouldn’t want to interfere with Louis’ fun. He is just thinking of ways he can entertain himself in downtown Sydney if Louis does end up bringing Rob home when he realizes temporarily disappearing won’t be necessary because Rob is staying right here.</p><p>In a turn of events that Harry didn’t see coming, Louis politely declines Rob’s suggestion of them having a drink together once he is off the clock. Even more of a shock is when they get back to their table and instead of safely tucking away his phone with Rob’s number in it, he immediately deletes it.</p><p>“I get that I’m a bit rusty at this sort of thing, but, uh, isn’t the point of getting fit guys’ numbers to <em>keep </em>them?” Harry teases, causing Louis to fondly roll his eyes.</p><p>“Not for me. Well, not anymore anyway,” he amends. “Saving numbers is for people who will be around to use them later. I won’t be so, might as well free up space on my phone, you know?” Louis grins into his pint glass as he takes a long sip.</p><p>By now, Harry is pretty used to Louis’ dark sense of humor, but his certainty about dying is still something Harry struggles with. There’s no guarantee he’ll be dead in a few months, and yet Louis insists on living his life like the final act in a play.</p><p>“So, you’re just hanging it up on your love life? Just like that. The end,” Harry chuckles, unable to imagine a world where Louis Tomlinson would simply give up on something. </p><p>“I feel better quitting while I’m ahead,” Louis snorts in response. “After all, no one wants to fuck the brain tumor guy.”</p><p>Louis’ smile is still there, but his eyes aren’t as bright and sparkly anymore. Harry thought what Louis said was just another dark joke, but clearly, Louis thinks there’s some truth to his statement. Somehow, he has led himself to believe he is no longer desirable or wanted in that way when it’s the furthest thing from the truth. In the last ten minutes, at least half a dozen men and women have given Louis an extended glance over. If Harry were just another face in the crowd rather than the friend sitting across from Louis, he’d be included in his legion of admirers.</p><p>“What?” Louis asks when he notices Harry grinning into his beer.</p><p>“Eh. I don’t know,” Harry shrugs in response to Louis’ theory of him being unfuckable. “I think it depends on who you ask.”</p><p>All that earns Harry is another fond eyeroll and a playful kick to the shin.</p><p>“Fuck off,” he laughs as if there aren’t multiple people in this very room who if given the chance would have Louis in a heartbeat. And Louis knows it too. That’s why he hasn’t stopped blushing. “Alright, subject change to something less pathetic than my non-sex life,” Louis demands before pulling out his phone to figure out where they can go tomorrow to meet some kangaroos.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0004"><h2>4. Chapter 4</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <em>~Beijing                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                     ~3 weeks later</em>
</p>
<p>The smell of coffee coming from the shop that Harry and Louis duck into on their first afternoon in Beijing instantly wakes him up. The thought of getting some caffeine only adds to Harry’s excitement about today because not only are they checking off a huge to-do item from Louis’ list, but they are also going to see their loved ones because it’s FaceTime day.</p>
<p>So far, Harry has only spoken to his mother and sister over text message or on the phone, so he hasn’t seen their faces in over a month. Louis hasn’t seen his family in just as long, so he’s been buzzing about FaceTiming them since he woke up at the crack of dawn ready to go. Even now after their long train ride from Xi’an to Beijing, Louis is anxiously sipping on a latte while flipping through his travel book, just waiting for his phone to ring.</p>
<p>“Excited?” Harry asks knowingly as the clock strikes four over the coffee bar, meaning it is now ten in the morning back home.</p>
<p>“Yeah, I miss them. Way more than I thought I would,” he grins back, nearly knocking over both of their lattes when the bar starts to vibrate from one of their phones.</p>
<p>Unfortunately for Louis, Harry’s phone is receiving a FaceTime call and not his so he has to wait a little longer. But not too much longer, because his phone vibrates just seconds later.</p>
<p> They both hop down from their seats at the bar at lightning speed but Louis is quicker, already beaming at his siblings all waving at him from their living room.</p>
<p>“OI, OI, OI!” Louis greets them, making everyone in the small shop jump from the sudden increase in volume. “Er- Sorry everyone,” Louis offers the room in English and then in broken Mandarin before slipping out of the shop where he can be as loud as he wants.</p>
<p>Harry snorts a laugh hearing the faint sound of a second and more enthusiastic <em>‘oi oi oi!</em>’ from outside as he makes his way towards the very back of the shop where he won’t disturb anyone with his own enthusiastic greeting for his family.</p>
<p>“Hiiiii!” Harry says with as much composure as he can muster being so excited to finally see his mother and sister.</p>
<p>“Look at you! You always look so handsome with a beard,” his mother gushes at his patchy stubble he has given up on trying to manage.</p>
<p>“<em>Is </em>that a beard though? I think it’s just dirt,” his sister Gemma teases as she squints to see his baby facial hair.</p>
<p>“Still jealous, I see,” Harry sighs, unable to keep the dumb, happy smirk off his face because even when the two of them are annoying each other, they love each other deeply. “Miss you, Gems,” he admits breaking down his sister’s cool exterior until she’s fondly grinning at him too.</p>
<p>“Miss you too,” she says, ruining the moment a beat later with, “Though it is <em>much</em> quieter around here.”</p>
<p>“Alright, enough of that,” their mother says as she takes the reins of the conversation. “We’ve only got half an hour to chat and you’ve got a month’s worth of spectacular things to tell us about, so start talking.”</p>
<p>It’s a tall order to tell them everything about his and Louis’ first month away, but Harry does his best. He starts from the very beginning with their stops through Italy and all its beauty. Next he tells them about meeting kangaroos in Australia, yachting around marinas, and snorkeling over the Great Barrier Reef. From there they decided to hit China for two weeks starting in Shanghai then onto Chongqing, Chengdu, Xi'an, and last but not least, Beijing.</p>
<p>“Sounds like you two have been busy,” his mother comments after Harry explains the importance of them visiting The Great Wall tomorrow because of Louis’ mother’s wish to see it before she died. Louis wants nothing more than to honor her wishes, and Harry wants nothing more than to help him do it.</p>
<p>“Well, no wonder we haven’t spoken much,” his mother chuckles. “You two have been very busy.” They’ve been going nonstop ever since they left home, but Harry wouldn’t change it. “Well, you certainly look and sound much happier than when you left. The holiday must be doing you good,” she comments, making Gemma sport a smirk and mutter something in the ballpark of ‘<em>Not so sure it’s just the holiday</em>’.</p>
<p>“What was that?” Harry asks, narrowing his eyes at his sister still smirking and looking suspiciously pleased with herself.</p>
<p>“Oh, nothing,” she lies. “I just noticed most of what you’ve said in the past half hour was about Louis as much as the traveling is all.”</p>
<p>“Well, Gems, you have to remember that they do spend a <em>lot</em> of time together these days,” their mother reasons. And, yes, they do spend a lot of time together. Actually, they pretty much spend <em>all</em> of their time together due to this trip. They are so much closer now after a month of living in each other’s pockets and because of it, Harry now considers Louis one of his best friends. They’ve seen each other through ups and downs on this holiday; at their best and sometimes even their worst when things haven’t worked out as planned or Louis has been ill. At this point, they probably know each other’s quirks and moods better than anyone else. There is no hiding from someone when you’re constantly together, but that’s not a bad thing. As far as Harry’s concerned, they’ve both made friends for life.</p>
<p>All of that is just details to Gemma whose smirk has only gotten bigger. “You’re blushing under your ‘<em>beard’</em>,” she unhelpfully points out after Harry’s passionate explanation for his and Louis’ new level of closeness.</p>
<p>For a second, Harry wishes he weren’t in Beijing. He wishes he were in the back garden with his big sister so he could tackle her properly while telling her to shut up.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Their FaceTime reunion doesn’t last nearly as long as Harry would’ve liked it to. Eventually, his mother and sister have to carry on with their days, but they promise to check in on him again soon. Harry promises to continue to update them via text and phone call. He also promises to email them some of his best photos yet.</p>
<p>Once they hang up, Harry makes his way back to the front of the coffee shop. He realizes he is the first one back when he gets to the bar and Louis isn’t there. Harry can see him through the shop window though sitting on a bench and animatedly talking about the sea turtles they swam with in Australia. Harry can’t hear a word of what he’s saying, but he can make out most of the words his mouth forms around the massive smile on his face. It makes Harry smile too realizing his name is being said more than anything else.</p>
<p>When Harry turns around to order them a set of teas for the road, he has already caught the attention of the woman behind the coffee bar watching him with the same knowing expression as Gemma a few minutes earlier.</p>
<p>“We’re just friends,” Harry feels the need to answer even though the woman didn’t ask. It’s the truth, and yet, for some reason, deep down, it feels like not the truth. That could be problematic for many, many reasons. However, Harry tries to not think about them all as he orders and ignores the tingly warmth settled in the pit of his stomach and the apples of his cheeks.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>The next morning, Harry’s stomach is still full of butterflies, only now they’re doubled as he and Louis step out of their taxi and gawk up at The Great Wall.</p>
<p>They aren’t the only people there of course. There are hundreds of other tourists already trekking up the steep, narrow steps and along the winding path of the wall. It’s exciting to know that they’re finally going to do this; the big finale to the Chinese leg of their trip. However, a quick glance at Louis standing by Harry’s side makes him nervous because he’s not feeling one hundred percent. Louis hasn’t said as much, but Harry can tell. It was obvious from how slowly he was to get up this morning and how weak his eyes looked behind the smile he had painted on. He looks queasy already just from the morning sunshine beaming down on them; the first sign of an oncoming migraine.</p>
<p>“We can go back,” Harry tells him as a fresh horde of people passes them and starts towards the steps. “We can go get some rest and try again another time.”</p>
<p>“No, we can’t. We’re leaving tomorrow,” Louis sighs, wincing as he pinches the bridge of his nose to release the pressure that’s building up there. It takes a minute, but eventually he lets go and he looks up at the wall with even more determination than before. “I’m doing this. <em>Today</em>,” he says to convince Harry that he can do it. He is probably also trying to convince himself. Regardless, Harry’s not going to stand in his way. He promised to be there for Louis for this trip. Louis picked him to be here for him, and Harry refuses to let him down.</p>
<p>“Alright. Then, we’re doing this,” Harry nods in agreement. “It’s only a few miles, yeah.” It’s nearly <em>four</em> miles in the hot sun, and they won’t be easy to walk if Louis is feeling ill, but they’ll get through it.</p>
<p>“It’s only a few miles,” Louis echoes before taking a deep breath and starting towards the great steps.  </p>
<p> </p>
<p>A few miles feels like a million about thirty minutes in because Louis is obviously in pain, but he’s showing no signs of giving up. In the beginning, he was doing quite well considering; moving a bit slower than usual, but making progress all the same. He started running out of steam pretty quickly after that. Now, he’s basically running off of fumes and they’re not even halfway.</p>
<p>Each step they take over the ancient stones feels like a victory, especially with Louis stopping to drink water and catch his breath every few minutes.</p>
<p>“You alright?” Harry asks for what must be the hundredth time when Louis stops walking to take a fresh sip of water. He’s sure he’s annoying Louis by worrying so much and watching him so closely, but Harry is only doing it because he wants to make sure Louis doesn’t push himself too far.</p>
<p>“Yeah. I’m good,” he breathes, but his expression is at odds with the lie. After a few minutes of rest, Louis begins again but a misstep causes him to be unsteady on his feet. Luckily, Harry is there to catch him before he trips. “Thanks,” Louis says as they both work to get him standing upright again and stable. Once he is, Louis starts moving forward again, but this time he pauses on his own accord, blinking down at Harry still lightly holding him.</p>
<p>Louis doesn’t say anything, but his eyes are appreciative and fond as ever when he places his hand over Harry’s still gripped around his waist and gives it a firm squeeze.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Their visit to The Great Wall took much longer than either of them anticipated. They had planned to do some more last-minute sightseeing before their next flight, but Louis is too drained to do much more than go back to their hotel.</p>
<p>Once there, Harry helps him back into bed, going through Louis’ usual bed routine by getting him his medication and making him some tea to wash it down with. Harry tries not to hover or worry too much, because he knows Louis is more than capable of taking care of himself. He still does worry though. But, Harry’s mind is put at ease when he leaves Louis’ side of the room and he hears a soft ‘<em>Thanks, H’</em> just before Louis drifts off.</p>
<p>Back on Harry’s side of the room, he sits up in bed for the rest of the day and night, distracting himself by looking through all the photos he has taken and choosing the best ones to send to his family as promised.</p>
<p>The most gorgeous of the photos just so happen to feature Louis as well as the beauty of whatever place they visited. Every bright, sunny smile and pair of crinkled blue eyes captured by Harry makes his stomach turn cartwheels. It’s the same sensation Harry gets just being near Louis. Just being in the same room with Louis right now gives him so many butterflies he suspects he could levitate right off the bed.  </p>
<p>He knows right then and there that Gemma was right when she hinted that there might be something more than just friendship and a holiday between them. Today at the wall pretty much proved it. Harry realized just how much he cares about Louis and how he’d stop at nothing to make him happy.</p>
<p>Harry is falling for someone who is amazing, hilarious, beautiful, and strong. And also, someone battling something so scary that it terrifies Harry. Because falling for someone isn’t really a problem; it’s falling for someone he may not get to keep.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0005"><h2>5. Chapter 5</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <em>~Tokyo                                                                                                                                                                                   ~1 week later</em>
</p>
<p>Tokyo brings with it all the wonder and beauty of all the other places they have visited so far, but on a much bigger scale. It is like nothing either Harry or Louis have ever experienced; alive, energetic, and bright like something out of a fantasy book. No matter where they look, there’s something new and exciting. It’s a place where everything seems to be happening at full speed and all at once. That includes Harry’s feelings for Louis that he can’t seem to shake.</p>
<p>Not that Louis is making it easy for him of course. Ever since their hurdle in Beijing, Harry’s stomach has been a fluttery mess and Louis is one hundred percent to blame. He’s been touching Harry a lot more; quick, playful nudges and pokes that make Harry laugh between lingering caresses that make his heart skip several beats.</p>
<p>Part of Harry thinks he’s doing it on purpose; that Louis knows full well the effect of his smile and those blue eyes of his that could talk Harry into practically anything. In fact, that’s precisely how they end up watching a drag show in Shinjuku and getting gloriously drunk in honor of their wedding anniversary or whatever Louis’ broken Japanese translated into. Either way, it got them free drinks so Harry can’t really complain. Especially not with his ‘spouse’ sitting next to him and drunkenly screaming along to a Lady Gaga song being lip-synched on stage.</p>
<p>Louis has earned them quite a few curious looks tonight which isn’t exactly uncommon since Louis’ bright aura draws attention wherever they go. Of course, Harry gets his fair share of interested looks when they go out too. That is particularly true tonight as Harry sips on his free anniversary drinks with a host of curious eyes trained on his suspiciously naked ring finger.</p>
<p>There is one man in particular who keeps looking Harry’s way. Harry can feel him watching and grinning knowingly from across the club, but Harry isn’t the only one to notice. Out of the corner of Harry’s eye he sees Louis periodically glancing across the room to watch the man watching Harry and vice versa.</p>
<p>“Oh, <em>hubby dear</em>,” Louis smirks at him as Japanese Gaga leaves the stage and Japanese Cher takes her place. “I thought <em>I </em>was the apple of your eye. Do our vows mean nothing to you?”</p>
<p>Harry tries to keep a straight face, but it’s impossible with Louis pretending to be jealous of Harry and his very handsome admirer. His handsome admirer whom he has zero interest in.</p>
<p>“You’re ridiculous, you know that?” Harry chuckles as he takes a sip of his drink. He nearly chokes on it when Louis finally drops the married act and says something completely unexpected.</p>
<p>“Well, when one of you finally gets the nerve to actually talk to the other instead of whatever <em>this</em> is,” he says over the music starting up again, raising an eyebrow at the distance between them. “We passed a twenty-four-hour ramen house on the way here, so I can be out of both your hair for as long as you need.”</p>
<p>Harry coughs up the bit of vodka he just attempted to swallow, his throat burning as he furiously shakes his head in answer.</p>
<p>“Er- Thanks, but that won’t be necessary,” Harry assures him. “Like, at <em>all</em>.”</p>
<p>“Uh, yes, it is. It’s been nearly two months for you <em>at least</em>, and Mr. Not-So-Subtle over there is super hot,” Louis deadpans. “What’s the problem?”</p>
<p>The problem is Harry doesn’t care how long it’s been or how good-looking this person is. He couldn’t possibly bring some random person back to their hotel room. Now, he can’t exactly say that to Louis without prompting more questions, so Harry does the only other thing he can think of; change the fucking subject.</p>
<p>“You know, the indoor pool at our hotel is closed off right now, but I bet no one’s really watching it.”</p>
<p>“<em>Ohhh. </em>So,<em> that’s </em>where you want to hook up with him,” Louis says in response. “Interesting. I wouldn’t have pegged you as a water kink type for a one-night stand situation, but I guess that’s why you should never judge a book by its cover, you know what I mean?”</p>
<p>“I actually have <em>no</em> idea what you mean because I meant <em>us</em>!” Harry exclaims, his face flushed pink but mostly from how hard he is laughing. They haven’t gone swimming since Australia, and since the pool at their hotel is closed a night, they’d have it all to themselves. “<em>We </em>should break into the pool area, as in you and me,” he says to his friend who is always down for a bit of delinquency. “But, for fun of course, not sex,” Harry clarifies in case there is still confusion about this on Louis’ end.</p>
<p>“Well, we have been married a year. The passion had to go at some point, right?<em>”</em> Louis teases before taking a long sip of his drink and singing along to <em>If I Could Turn Back Time</em>.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>This was all entirely Harry’s idea. The pool, the petty breaking and entering; all of it. And yet, he’s more nervous and jittery than he could’ve imagined when it actually happens. The crazy thing is that his nerves aren’t even down to the rush of doing something he shouldn’t. Like always, his butterflies are a direct result of being alone with Louis.</p>
<p>As if a late-night adventure together wasn’t already enough, Harry also has to deal with the fact that Louis is mostly naked, wearing nothing but a tiny pair of blue shorts. It also doesn’t help that the fairly large swimming pool seems to get smaller and smaller each time Louis starts closing the distance that Harry is constantly working to put between them for his own sanity. Avoidance is his best line of defense to keep Louis from noticing how stiff and quiet he becomes each time Louis’ skin so much as brushes against his beneath the water.</p>
<p>But, at the same time, Harry can’t keep his eyes off him, and it’s not even about his lack of clothing right now. Harry was just as captivated back at the club. He is basically the guy from the club who kept staring, only Club Guy had the balls to be blatant and intentional about it. Harry wants to puke just imagining Louis finding out his little secret.</p>
<p>“Tokyo is the best place on Earth. Japanese Gaga just confirmed it,” Louis sighs as he floats by, draped across a Hello Kitty inflatable.</p>
<p>“Hmm. I assumed it’d be the karaoke screen in the shower that did it for you,” Harry teases, discreetly taking a couple of steps back to maintain their safe distance. Really, he just wants to keep Louis’ quick hands out of line with his nipples. The last thing Harry needs on top of harboring a secret crush on his friend is to have to explain to his friend why a playful twist of his skin has him tenting his shorts. </p>
<p>“Oi. <em>Nothing’s</em> ever going to beat shower karaoke, and I mean <em>nothing</em>,” Louis says, kicking water in Harry’s direction so it perfectly splashes in his face.</p>
<p>Louis said the same thing in Italy after his obligatory tourist photo holding up the Leaning Tower of Pisa with just his pinky.</p>
<p>“You sure you want to make that claim already?” Harry teases him. “I mean, you still haven’t met an elephant <em>or</em> a polar bear.”</p>
<p>“Don’t need to. I share a room with you every night,” Louis quips back, making Harry gasp in mock offense.</p>
<p>“I don’t snore <em>that </em>loud.”</p>
<p>“Says the elephant-bear hybrid,” Louis snorts. “Honestly, it’s probably a good thing you skipped out on hot drag show guy. Poor thing would’ve been terrified by the morning.”</p>
<p>Harry retaliates by breaking his own distance rules to walk over to Louis’ float and push him off of it. When Louis stands up Harry is already anticipating the way he lunges at Harry to take him down. After that it’s a full out brawl to the death full of near-painful tickling and nipple twists, only ending when they hear the sound of approaching footsteps in the corridor.</p>
<p>Thankfully, the person wandering around the first floor of the hotel doesn’t get curious and open the door. Most likely, it was just another guest and not a member of the staff, but they end their pool fight anyway just in case.</p>
<p>Louis lightly clears his throat of any water he accidently swallowed and attempts to shake his wet fringe out from his eyes for the sake of decorum. All of which vanishes the moment he leans next to Harry at the pool’s edge with a nosy smirk on his face.</p>
<p>“Soooo, why <em>didn’t</em> you talk to the hot drag show guy, anyway? If you don’t mind me asking, that is.”</p>
<p>Harry minds, but not for the reasons Louis thinks he might mind so he tries to just laugh it off. Throw him off the trail.</p>
<p>“You’re never letting this go, are you?” he jokes, fondly rolling his eyes at Louis’ delighted ‘<em>Not a chance’</em>. “It’s not a very exciting answer,” Harry lies, unable to even look at Louis as he says it. “I just- I wasn’t interested. He wasn’t my type. That’s all.”</p>
<p>“Bullshit he’s not your type. He’s <em>everyone’s</em> bloody type,” Louis claims. “<em>Unless</em>...”</p>
<p>“Unless?”</p>
<p>“Unless, someone is less into undeniable, handsome ruggedness with stubble, and more into, say, <em>the opposite</em>.”</p>
<p>“You mean vaginas?” Harry snorts.</p>
<p>“Obviously,” Louis scoffs though he soon lets out a weary sigh when Harry confirms that vaginas aren’t exactly his type either. “Who <em>are</em> you into then?”</p>
<p>Louis asks it in a teasing sort of tone that is more rhetorical than anything else. In return, the question requires an equally playful sort of answer for banter’s sake at least. Harry knows this, and yet, for the life of him, he can’t bring himself to crack even a grin as Louis’ inquisitive gaze flushes his cheeks to the point that Harry has to look away.</p>
<p>Harry hasn’t even said a word. He didn’t confirm or deny anything and yet somehow things still feel tense and weird. He can’t bring himself to meet Louis’ eyes again, too afraid that those blue eyes may now know too much. So, he does the only thing he can think of to rescue them from the awkwardness he’s caused. Stare at his pruney pool hands and change the subject to something else; <em>anything </em>else.</p>
<p>“Um- So, we’ve got an open day tomorrow. What were you thinking for sightseeing? Maybe the monkey park? Or, we could try some more of the museums,” Harry tries.</p>
<p>Louis isn’t having any of it, still watching Harry curiously; <em>knowingly</em>, and Harry’s stomach drops straight down to his pruned feet.</p>
<p>“Harry...” Louis says after a very, <em>very</em> long pause where Harry is sure Louis can hear his heart pounding from where he’s now facing him.</p>
<p>“So, no monkey park, then. O-Okay. That’s alright. We can do something else. The aquarium is supposed to be nice. Maybe your mum’s travel book has some suggestions as well. I noticed she put a star next to the flower park, so. She didn’t circle it, but it could still be worth seeing... There’s also the cat café,” Harry proposes even though Louis is clearly not listening to his nervous rambling.</p>
<p>“Haz... I want to ask you a question about something you once said,” Louis continues when Harry finally runs out of random things to say. “A hypothetical question that in no way matters or changes anything about you or me or anything like that because it’s hypothetical.”</p>
<p>Harry knows the definition of hypothetical. What he doesn’t understand is why Louis suddenly looks just as nervous and self-conscious as Harry is. “Alright,” he agrees with his heart in his throat. “What do you want to know?”</p>
<p>Louis bides his time for a few seconds by chewing at his bottom lip and examining his own wrinkly prune hands. “...Hypothetically, what did you mean in Australia? I had said some stuff about not having sex or whatever and... anyway. The details aren’t important, but then <em>you</em> said I was wrong and that it depends on <em>who </em>I ask.”</p>
<p>He remembers that night clearly; as if it just happened because Harry was honestly dumbfounded that Louis could think he’d ever be unwanted; that he isn’t perfect no matter what he’s battling, because he is. He’s amazing.</p>
<p>“I said that,” Harry confirms with a nod, his heartbeat coming to a full stop when Louis gathers the courage to meet his eyes again.</p>
<p>“And, if I were asking you?”</p>
<p>“...Hypothetically,” Harry begins after a long pause, his heart rate still erratic as he admits the one thing he thought he’d never get to say aloud. “I wouldn’t say no.”</p>
<p>Louis’ expression appears neutral about that answer as he nods his understanding, but there’s a glint behind his blue eyes that sort of gives him away.</p>
<p>That was the answer Louis was hoping for, and knowing that removes all the conflicting feelings and thoughts that Harry was previously experiencing back when he wanted to puke imaging this moment. Now, the only thing he feels is a big swell of butterflies and relief because it just might be possible that Louis likes him too.</p>
<p>They leave the pool a few minutes after that. Somehow, their conversation made being in the pool together feel more intimate than either of them had intended. However, going up to their room doesn’t really solve that problem, because Harry feels just as weird and giddy as they work around each other in the small room getting ready for bed. </p>
<p>Having Louis so close invigorates Harry; makes him wonder if it’s just been him all this time feeling more than just friendship blossoming or Louis just has a really good poker face. The question plagues Harry so much that eventually he stops digging through his duffle to turn and watch Louis searching through his bags too. </p>
<p>“Can I ask<em> you</em> a question?” Harry says, turning the tables on his roommate. Louis stops fiddling with his belongings to turn and face him in what seems to be an open invitation for whatever Harry wants to know. “Did you really want me to bring back that guy from the club?”</p>
<p>Louis’ smirk is so instantaneous he doesn’t even have time to bite down on it. “Hypothetically?” he teases, shaking his freshly washed hair out of his eyes. </p>
<p>Harry shakes his head in answer. “Actually,” he clarifies, unable to even breath until he sees Louis fighting a dumb grin before answering with a clear and unapologetic ‘<em>No.</em>’</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0006"><h2>6. Chapter 6</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>So sorry for the delay! ❤️</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <em>~Quebec                                                                                                                                                                                     ~1 week later<strike></strike></em>
</p><p>The cold has never been Harry’s top choice for weather. He much prefers the sun to snow and a fresh Pimm’s to hot chocolate, but those things are nowhere in sight when they arrive groggy, jetlagged, and freezing at a ski resort in the middle of Canada. It’s not all bad though. For the first time all holiday, he gets to break out his winter gear and add beautiful snow-capped mountains to his photography portfolio that’s been growing steadily with every new place he goes. But, even so, the thing that really makes staying at a chilly ski resort not so bad, isn’t the cool gear, the photos, or even the scenery. It’s Louis being as excitable as ever despite being completely exhausted. When faced with happiness like that and a smile that bright, it’s hard to gripe about something as silly as the weather. Harry would much rather focus on things like learning to snowboard and wondering if that night in Tokyo in the swimming pool was just a really vivid, cruel dream, because not much has happened between the two of them since.</p><p>With how much Harry likes Louis, there’s a chance that he did in fact make up the whole scenario in his head. That sounds like something that him and his overactive imagination would do. But then there’s the way Louis now grins at him as they bicker about in-flight movies, or the way he leans in to listen to one of Harry’s rambling, long-winded stories like it’s the most interesting thing he’s ever heard. He watches Harry a lot; as he’s fixing his ever-growing curls in the mirror or when he’s making his tea entirely the wrong way as proclaimed by Louis himself almost daily. Harry doesn’t take it to heart. At this point he puts too much sugar in just to get a rise out of Louis because it’s hilarious. They bicker like siblings about dumb shit like who was up last and therefore has to turn off the lights before bed, or which one of them forgot to flush the toilet after a midnight wee. It’s all so ridiculous that they can’t even keep up the charade of being ‘mad’ at each other. They usually end up laughing, it’s so silly. Maybe that’s why Harry can’t stop thinking about that night in Tokyo. Because it’s obvious there’s something that’s been blooming here for a while, only now it’s getting harder to ignore.   </p><p>“Navy or pink? Though, I don’t<em> why</em> I’m even asking, we both know good and well what you’re going to choose,” Louis smirks beside the only two pairs of rental skis left in the whole shop.</p><p>“Navy,” Harry says with the straightest face he can manage, but even that’s not enough to convince Louis who fondly rolls his eyes.</p><p>“<em>Fuck off</em>. There’s a rainbow case on your phone and the pom pom on your hat’s so glittery you look like a disco ball,” he teases handing Harry the bright pink skis that caught his eye the moment they walked in.</p><p>Louis takes the plain navy pair for himself making them look cooler than they probably ever have simply because Louis is now holding them. He’s prepared for the cold in a jacket from the outdoor adventure shop back home. It matches perfectly with the goggles, gloves, and helmet that Harry helped him pick out the day Harry’s life changed for the better. And now, here they are months later, halfway across the world and about to go freeze their bums off.</p><p>“When’s the last time you did this?” Harry asks after Louis sits down on a nearby bench to excitedly trade his snow boots for his ski boots.</p><p>“Skiing? I went with my stepdad a few times when I was younger. I wasn’t nearly as good as him, but I got better,” he says, grinning fondly at the memory.</p><p>If skiing is something that makes Louis happy, then Harry is glad he gets to do it again. Even better is that he gets to do it on a good day when he’s feeling good and strong, unlike The Great Wall when Louis wasn’t at his best. These four days at the ski resort should be perfect as long as things stay the way they are.</p><p>“What about you?” Louis grins over at Harry struggling to put on his boots with the same ease and grace as him. “You any good?”</p><p>“I’ve tripped or stumbled half a dozen times in the past week,” Harry snorts. “What do you think?”</p><p>“Yeah, I guess balance isn’t for everyone,” Louis snickers just as he has each time Harry and his pigeon feet have demonstrated that fact. “No worries,” he says, hopping up from the bench once he’s all booted up. “I’ve got you.”</p><p>“Y-Yeah? Thanks, mate,” Harry grins back, hoping to fall over no less than a billion times this week so Louis’ forced to make good on that promise.</p><p>Just as Harry assumed, skiing is <em>not</em> his thing. But, that’s okay with him because it <em>is</em> Louis’ thing which means every time Harry so much as wavered on the slopes, Louis was right there to catch him as promised. Actually, lately, he has noticed that Louis seems to always be near him, even when he isn’t saving Harry from face-planting into the side of a mountain.</p><p>He can’t put his finger on exactly <em>what</em> is going on between them at the moment, but he knows it’s something and whatever it is has Harry on pins and needles.</p><p>He started noticing it the morning after the drag show when he awoke to the sound of Louis attempting to search quietly for something. Louis nearly jumped out of his skin when he realized Harry wasn’t sleeping anymore and was fondly grinning at him from behind heavy eyelids. All he could do was blush and mutter something about a missing AirPod before scurrying back to safety on his side of the room. Something similar happened the next morning while they were both rushing around trying to make their next flight and Harry’s lack of balance caused a painful collision between them. It resulted in Harry’s bath towel falling off his hips and Louis openly gawking as Harry profusely apologized and tried to cover up. It’s the same sort of look he gave Harry on laundry day when they first arrived in Quebec and Harry grabbed one of Louis’ clean shirts to wear until his own shirts were dry and he was allowed to keep it indefinitely, or today each time they fit themselves into a small ski lift for a cozy and intimate ride up the mountain.</p><p>Lately, in nearly every interaction they have there is an exciting, undeniable tension that makes it clear just how much their relationship has changed. There is electricity each time they so much as look at one another, and Harry has all but explicitly said that he’s okay with their friendship being more if Louis is. The ball is in Louis’ court, and, yet, he makes no move. They are caught in a weird version of a cat and mouse game and it’s fun, but the anticipation is killing him. He just can’t figure out what Louis’ waiting for.  </p><p> </p><p>After spending a full day on the slopes they’re exhausted. An incoming snowstorm shut things down just before nightfall, for which Harry was grateful because he is sore in places he didn’t know he could be sore. Louis is in a similar state, though no one would be able to tell from how happy he looks. None of that stops them from keeping the party going of course. Even in the face of a blizzard keeping them contained to the resort’s hotel.</p><p>The nearby pub they had planned to visit is closed for the evening, which is disappointing. However, they quickly get over it after dinner when they stumble upon an engagement party going on downstairs in the resort’s ballroom. As with most celebrations, the food and music are in great supply, but then, so is the booze. And, as with most situations where Louis could choose to behave himself and not risk getting into trouble, he does the exact opposite, and Harry is all too thrilled to be his accomplice.</p><p>“This is barely even a challenge. It’s so easy I’m offended,” Louis laments standing under the big ‘<em>She said Yes!</em>’ and ‘<em>Congratulations Vanessa and Emily!</em>’ hanging over the ballroom entrance. He pays it little mind as he steps over to the dozens of bottles of pricey bubbly floating in a bucket of half-melted ice to make his selection.</p><p>“<em>Louis William Tomlinson</em>,” Harry chastises him as he plucks an unopened bottle of vintage Dom Pérignon from the chilled water<em>.</em></p><p>“<em>Harold Edward Styles</em>,” Louis quips back only for Harry to inform him for the hundredth time that’s not his name. Not that it matters to Louis.</p><p>“Lou. Come on. You’re really going to steal a bottle of some poor newly-engaged couple’s celebration booze?” he asks, making Louis scoff and roll his eyes at the word poor as he holds up the bottle of champagne more expensive than all the drinks they’ve had on this trip. <em>Combined</em>. “Alright, they’re loaded and they probably won’t miss the champagne, but still. Have you no shame?” Harry teases, cackling when Louis thinks better of his original plan and nicks two bottles instead before taking off for the stairs.</p><p>Up in their room an hour later, they’re just as ridiculous as they were while committing petty theft. Maybe even more so as they dance around some party playlist they found and work on finishing off their second bottle of expensive, stolen champagne.</p><p>Jumping on the beds and wearing the bed sheets as skirts and capes is easily the most mindless fun they’ve had since the Tokyo drag show. And it’s probably the alcohol making Harry feel so light, warm, and happy each time Louis pulls Harry in by the hand or the forearm to tell him something or sing song lyrics extra loud, but he knows it’s not just the booze. It can’t be. Harry has been drunk in his life more times than he can count and not once can he remember feeling this way.</p><p>No. His butterflies aren’t the cause of too much to drink. They are pure adrenaline caused by the person who has had every opportunity to kiss him tonight, at times has gotten so close that Harry has stopped breathing. Kind of like now after their playlist ends and they sink to the floor amid the sheets and pillows they’ve entertained themselves with for most of the evening.</p><p>“This place is a fucking mess,” Louis laughs after a quick glance around their room that they should probably attempt to clean up a bit tonight if they want to be out on the freshly-powdered slopes again first thing in the morning. Harry’s heart jumps when Louis suddenly turns his gaze away from their tip of a room to Harry himself. “Your hair,” he chuckles this time, letting go of their champagne bottle to reach out to where Harry’s curls have presumably doubled in volume. He tries arranging them back to their usual state, giving up after his attempts do nothing but add to the mayhem. “Perfect!” he lies, affectionately tugging on one of the shorter pieces of Harry’s hair near his face.</p><p>Louis has done that a million times before. It shouldn’t get any sort of reaction out of Harry besides a good-humored laugh. Instead, he’s hardly breathing, gently leaning into Louis’ touch.</p><p>It is his boldest move yet, taking Louis by surprise so much that he freezes almost instantly. He seems to not be breathing either when his gaze flickers down to Harry’s lips.</p><p>Harry’s stomach does a full cartwheel, his heart pounding in his ears at record speed as he watches Louis mentally debating whether to lean in.</p><p>This is it; <em>finally</em>. Only, it isn’t it, because as soon as Louis moves to close the distance between them, his knee tips over their bottle of champagne he let go of earlier, drenching Louis and the carpet in sticky, sweet smelling alcohol. It may as well have been a bucket of ice water with how quickly the moment dies and Louis shoots up from the floor like it’s on fire. </p><p>“Sh-Shit<em>. </em>These are my warmest joggers,” he laments, most likely due to the snow still coming down pretty hard outside their window.</p><p>Harry is currently bundled up in his own warmest clothes, but he has others and he’s more than willing to share. God knows how many times they’ve swapped clothes before.</p><p>“Um, that’s okay. You can borrow a pair of mine,” Harry offers as he stands up too. “I don’t mind. Promise,” he grins, bravely reaching forward and taking hold of Louis’ hand to try and rekindle the same magic from before.</p><p>For a moment, it actually works, the air thick between them once more. Louis’ gaze falls right back to his lips, and Harry is instantly under his spell; breathless. </p><p>Again, Harry doesn’t know what the hell Louis is waiting for. All that’s left for Harry to try is shouting at the top of his lungs ‘<em>I have feelings for you too! Now, kiss me!</em>’. He is so over waiting for something to happen that he just might do that. The only thing stopping him is the wary look in Louis’ eyes when he lets their hands fall.</p><p>Harry is gutted. He can’t pretend not to be when he wears his heart on his sleeve with big flashing neon lights. Louis has a some walls up around his heart, but Harry sees right through them. It is beyond obvious that Louis likes Harry as more than just a traveling partner or a friend. He is just too afraid to actually <em>do</em> anything about it. Which Harry can’t understand for the life of him because Louis isn’t afraid of <em>anything</em>. Louis doesn’t care what people think, he says whatever’s on his mind, and he does whatever he pleases. He even took himself on a deathday holiday for fuck’s sake. Giving into this thing between them can’t be much scarier by comparison.</p><p>Harry doesn’t really think it through before cupping Louis’ face with his hands. He’s just going off raw emotion, leaning in on a leap of faith.</p><p>Their lips brush for only a millisecond and it all comes to a screeching halt when Louis pulls back to look at him with the same fearful expression; one that looks <em>so</em> out of place on someone as brave as him.</p><p>“Haz. Y-You know we shouldn’t,” he whispers down at the champagne-soaked floor.</p><p>“Why not?” Harry demands, this time linking their hands with even more determination. “What’s wrong with this? With <em>us</em>?”  he asks looking between the two of them.</p><p>“Uh, <em>everything</em>? Maybe, the whole reason we’re both even <em>here,</em>” Louis deadpans without so much as a grin. “You don’t get it and I’m glad you don’t get it, but someone can’t just go around starting something with someone else when they won’t even be- When they can’t-” he tries again but can’t quite seem to find the words. Harry doesn’t know exactly what Louis was going to say, but he can guess. Probably more of the same; excuses for why him living his life to the fullest somehow translates to him being detached from the things he feels. “It’s a bad idea, alright?” Louis sighs after a while, confirming Harry’s guess. “Trust me. You’ll thank me later.”</p><p>“You mean after December,” Harry asks, though it’s not really a question. Harry and everyone else know full well that Louis is convinced he’s going to walk into surgery on his birthday, fall asleep and never wake up again. He believes it so much that he’s currently treating himself to a trip around the world as a farewell to it. Harry, however, has chosen to have a very different outlook. He isn’t going to let December hang over either of their heads. He isn’t going to plan his life around some ‘maybe’ date and time in the future, and he absolutely refuses to let Louis cheat himself out of something great by trying to protect <em>him </em>of all people.</p><p>“The first rule of fight club is you’re always right, right? Well, the second rule is sometimes<em> I’m</em> right too,” Harry declares. “And <em>I</em> say we save worrying about later for <em>later</em>,” he proposes with a smirk that successfully pulls a stubborn smile out of Louis.</p><p>“Easy for <em>you </em>to say,” Louis snorts. “Your skull currently only has <em>brain</em> inside of it.”</p><p>“Yeah, which means <em>my</em> brain is the one that will have to deal with whatever <em>might</em> happen, so we’re doing <em>my</em> idea,” Harry reasons. “I win. We’re doing this. You're welcome.”</p><p>It certainly feels like a win when Louis opens his mouth several times to try and dispute him. He soon gives up once he realizes he can’t. </p><p>“Wow, H, you’ve really got me backed into a corner with that logic. Whatever will I do?” Louis mutters and rolls his eyes as expected, but he also allows Harry to lace their fingers again. Win. “This is reckless, you know,” Louis warns through his ever-growing smile as Harry inches closer and closer and guides Louis’ arms around his waist to keep him there. Win again. “Reckless and <em>stupid</em>...” Louis continues lecturing as Harry settles his arms around Louis’ shoulders, bringing them so close that he can see every shade of blue in Louis’ eyes. “Possibly, the absolute dumbest thing we could do. Like, <em>ever.</em>”</p><p>All of that may very well be true. Depending on what the future holds, Harry could come to regret this very moment. He doubts it though. And, even if he does, it doesn’t make Harry want this any less. If anything, the thought of missing out on their chance makes him want it even more and right now.</p><p>“Are you quite finished? I think it may be December already,” Harry jokes, breathing a laugh when he gets a swift pinch to the side for his sass.</p><p>Harry ignores it. And when he leans in this time, Louis doesn’t stare at him like a deer in headlights. Instead, he lets his eyes slide shut at the press of their lips. They quickly snap open again when after only a second or two, Harry pulls back.</p><p>“<em>What</em> in the platonic hell was that?” Louis demands making Harry laugh again because he figured that small peck wasn’t going to fly after all the fuss he’s made. Harry has a very specific vision for this moment. Anything less than Louis kissing him weak in the knees simply won’t do. “Seriously? My first <em>real</em> kiss in almost two years, <em>all</em> these weeks of buildup across different countries, and <em>that’s </em>what you give me?!” he teases before muttering about how he has gotten more tongue and passion from dogs.</p><p>“I guess you’ll just have to show me how it’s done then,” Harry challenges him, his breath catching from the deep kiss Louis <em>finally</em> pulls him into.</p>
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<a name="section0007"><h2>7. Chapter 7</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Harry has no idea how they end up on Louis’ bed a few minutes later. One second Harry was melting into Louis’ touches in the center of the room and the next he was sinking into the mattress with Louis right next to him. It’s a bit fast considering they went from ignoring their feelings to acting on them in a matter of minutes, but Harry certainly isn’t complaining. Pretty much everything with them has happened in double-time from Louis inviting him on this holiday to Harry realizing how lucky he is to know someone so incredible.</p><p>Going from zero to sixty has Harry so far up on cloud nine that he’s grinning into every slide of their mouths. Tiny sparks dance down his spine with every swipe of their tongues, and no matter how much Harry tries to ignore the very hard erection pressing against his own, it’s all he can think about.</p><p>Louis was wary enough just kissing him and admitting his feelings out loud. The last thing he needs is Harry pushing them further before they’re ready, so he goes off of Louis’ cues, letting him choose their pace and destination.</p><p>He leans into the hands digging into his waist and occasionally tangling in his curls to pull him even closer. Harry mirrors the actions, gasping when he feels Louis bite down on his bottom lip. It sends Harry’s heart racing even faster. He’s shocked it doesn’t beat right out of his chest when this time Louis switches strategies for releasing all his pent-up energy by pining Harry to the bed and fitting himself in the space between Harry’s thighs. </p><p>In this position, it’s impossible to ignore how hard they both are. It’s not surprising that after all this time and all this waiting Louis eventually reaches a breaking point, giving himself some much-needed relief with an intentional roll of his hips.</p><p>Louis’ soft whine fills the room, drawing Harry’s attention to just how big and dark his blue eyes are now that his body wants more than just Harry’s kisses. He wants Harry full stop and knowing that turns Harry on more than anything else.</p><p>Harry goes off instinct, slowly letting his hands move from around Louis’ shoulders, over his pounding chest, and down to the drawstring of the champagne-damp joggers he never got the chance to take off. He watches every flicker of Louis’ face, delighting in the way his eyes flutter closed after Harry unties the single bow keeping the joggers on Louis’ hips and begins slowly pulling him off.</p><p>Louis watches him with irises darker than Harry’s ever seen them and he’s fucking thriving off of it. If he wanted to, he could probably get Louis off just like this, but eventually Harry craves more. He is so hard that his own joggers feel like a giant weight against his sensitive skin. Louis notices his discomfort after a few minutes, making Harry laugh when he calls a time-out to get them both naked.</p><p>Their duffle bags are so stuffed to the brim for this holiday that Harry very nearly passed on taking up even more space with condoms and lube. He hadn’t anticipated having much sex on this holiday, and certainly not with Louis. It’s funny how quickly things change. And, thankfully, he looked out for his future self and made sure to come prepared anyway.</p><p>Louis starts opening him up so carefully and with so much uncertainty that Harry can feel his hands shaking from his nerves. Harry knows he’s in his head about this. After all this time and everything he’s gone through, there’s no way he <em>wouldn’t</em> be nervous, but Harry tries his best to convince him that this is already perfect. Harry encourages him with soft kisses along his jaw and soft gasps that he earns with accurate swipes of his fingers. He gives Louis every assurance that everything he’s doing is exactly what Harry needs, and it must work because by the time Louis is slicking himself up and pushing into him, there’s not a trace of uncertainty on his face.</p><p>The room is quiet except for their gasps. They are replaced by soft whines of pleasure when Louis starts moving, holding Harry’s hips still beneath him as he fucks him slow. He leans down so that they’re chest to chest and the pressure from his hips is all Harry can focus on, causing his stomach to flood with even more heat.</p><p>Having Louis inside of him is one of the best things he’s ever felt. Louis feels amazing, but he looks and sounds even better, gradually snapping his hips with more ease until Harry is so close he can feel himself leaking onto their stomachs.</p><p>He looks between them to see Louis’ chest heaving and his forehead all crinkled up like he could come any minute as well. Harry’s suspicions are confirmed when Louis pants out that he’s not going to last long. Louis noticeably backs off a bit when Harry’s thighs start shaking around him, slow fucking him again to make it last as long as their bodies can handle. Louis was so concerned about being celibate for nearly two years, but Harry wasn’t far behind him at nearly a year. They’re both out of practice. That much is obvious with Harry’s nails dug into Louis’ back and his teeth buried so deep into the flesh of his own bottom lip that no sound escapes when he comes so hard he tastes blood.</p><p>Louis is right there with him, his voice breaking on a string of expletives that Harry’s brain will play on loop for the rest of his life. He’s shaking after spilling inside Harry, so spent that he can’t even open his eyes for several seconds, keeping them squeezed shut as his breathing slows to a more regular pace.</p><p>Once Louis has collected himself enough to pull out of Harry and toss the condom, he catches his breath up on the pillows with one arm thrown over his flushed face. Harry curls up beside him, throwing a leg over Louis’ hips and resting his head on Louis’ chest to listen to his heart still racing.</p><p>“Are you alright?” Harry asks after much deliberation, but Louis looks more exhausted now than he did earlier today after a full day of skiing. Which is flattering, Harry guesses, but also concerning because he knows Louis doesn’t exactly have loads of energy to spare.</p><p>He starts to wonder if sex was a bad idea. If Louis had cut it out of his life for other reasons besides the ones he gave. Harry pushed him too far. They should’ve just waited for a day when he wasn’t already so tired. At least, that’s what Harry assumes before Louis looks down his chest with a big, assuring smile.</p><p>“Am I alright?” he echoes before breathing a laugh that is so happy it borders on delirium. “I’m fucking <em>amazing</em>. Fuck, <em>you’re </em>amazing. Quebec is officially <em>the </em>best place ever. Japanese Gaga is dead to me.”</p><p>He’s not drained, he’s just relaxed and content, which is the best news Harry could’ve received. The only thing better is Louis’ announcement a few minutes later that they’re going again to prove they can collectively last more than five seconds.</p><p> </p><p>The next morning feels like a dream when Harry wakes up on the wrong side of their hotel room. Or rather, the <em>right</em> side of it since Louis is lying next to him and Harry still can’t wipe the dumb smile off his face because he got everything he wanted last night and then some. Honestly, Harry is spent and could use a deep massage after their long, eventful evening. Not that he’s complaining.</p><p>The sun is rising just outside their window and it’s so beautiful against the fresh layer of white blanketing everything. This is one of the few sunrises he has been able to catch on this holiday. He’s usually passed out until Louis wakes him up. Louis, who is<em> always</em> up at the arse crack of dawn no matter what, even jet lagged.</p><p>Instantly, Harry’s concerns from the night before come rushing back as he flips over to check on the uncharacteristically quiet person next to him. He is instantly relieved when he feels a strong, steady pulse beating just below Louis’ ear. It’s only after Harry is done internally freaking out that he notices other obvious signs of life like Louis’ chest rising and falling at an even rate, and the healthy rosy color in his cheeks from how warm the small bed is with both of them in it. All great signs. Even the deep furrow of Louis’ brow after Harry lets his fingers fall away from the side of his neck.</p><p>Harry settles back down onto his side, happy to spend a few selfish minutes just watching Louis sleep. Only he’s not asleep which is evident when he cracks one eye open to look at him.</p><p>“...Did you just check my fucking pulse?” he asks, a giant, shit-eating grin stretching over his face as Harry vigorously shakes his head to deny it. “You fucking did!” Louis snorts, now wide-awake and loving the fact that Harry has covered his face with his hands to muffle his groans. “I can’t believe you thought you <em>killed</em> me. With <em>sex.</em>”</p><p>“You always wake up super early<em> and</em> you were being weirdly quiet just now!” Harry says in his own defense.</p><p>“Oh! I’m sorry not everyone snores like a chainsaw unlike <em>some</em> people,” Louis teases, snorting a fresh laugh when Harry gently kicks at his feet under the duvet.</p><p>“I hate you so much right now.” Even as Harry says it, he’s grinning like an idiot. He and Louis both know it’s not true. A fact that is proven when Louis opens his arms to him as a truce.</p><p>Harry doesn’t hesitate for a second before eagerly scooting closer and curling up on his chest. Being held by him feels like being wrapped in a blanket on a cold day or sinking into a warm bath. Louis drifted off while holding him just like this the night before. Harry had tried to give him his small bed back, but Louis’ grip unconsciously grew tighter each time Harry tried to leave. Eventually, Harry relented and stayed, and then fell straight to sleep too, happy as a lark.</p><p>“I’m very glad to know you’re<em> not</em> dead,” Harry jokes feeling Louis’ breathy laughter move a few of his errant curls. “But, seriously though, you’re alright? Everything’s still good? You feel okay?” He only asks because usually, Louis teeters between good days and bad days and lately, all they’ve encountered are a string of fantastic days; and obviously <em>nights </em>too. However, Louis’ tumor hasn’t gone anywhere in the meantime, so Harry is constantly on the lookout for when things inevitably take a turn.</p><p>“It’s gorgeous outside, the sun is shining, and I’ve got <em>you</em> in my bed. <em>Naked</em>. Trust me, I’m more than okay.”</p><p>That’s great to hear. It’s also something that puts a big, dopey smile on Harry’s face. “Glad I can be of service,” he jokes.</p><p>They lie there for another few minutes before Harry starts mentally calculating when they should start heading for the slopes if they want to beat the crowds.</p><p>“We should probably get going soon or fresh snow won’t stay fresh for long,” Harry warns. He blinks in surprise when Louis makes an indifferent humming sound prompting Harry to sit up enough to look at him. “Y-You don’t want to?” Harry finds that hard to believe since skiing on fresh slopes was all Louis talked about from the moment snow started falling. </p><p>“Well, yeah. I guess I do,” Louis shrugs. “But, not as much as I want to stay here with you,” he admits, sending Harry’s stomach into fits when he gently thumbs over Harry’s lips to trace the shape of them.</p><p>Harry’s gaze pivots between the beautiful wintry scene outside their window that they flew eighteen hours and three connections for, and Louis weakening his resolve with nothing but a mischievous smile. There’s really no competition here, so Harry doesn’t put up a fight. For one, it’s not like Harry is actually any <em>good</em> at skiing anyway. And two, he’s way more comfortable and toastier where he is, snuggled up with Louis. Besides, the two of them have been going pretty much nonstop for months now. Surely, they’ve earned a bit of down time.</p><p>“Alright. Lazy day, it is,” Harry agrees, settling back down on Louis’ chest, grinning at the celebratory kiss pressed to the top of his head.</p><p> </p><p>Two days later finds Harry sitting in the center of Louis’ bed (which has basically become <em>their </em>bed) waiting for his phone to ring. Louis isn’t there with him at the moment. He’s currently downstairs in one of the lobbies waiting to FaceTime his own family and tell them everything they’ve been up to.</p><p>Well, maybe not <em>everything</em>. There are a few activities that Harry is sure neither of their families want details about. Of course, that doesn’t stop Harry from reliving them in his mind when they aren’t having sex. Thankfully, Harry hasn’t had to fantasize too often as they’ve barely left their hotel room in days.</p><p>Harry is just thinking back on this morning and how they nearly missed breakfast from being so wrapped up in each other. Harry even has marks to prove it. One of which is massive and purple and very obvious beneath his jumper he realizes when his phone finally rings and he catches sight of himself in the camera preview.</p><p>“<em>Fuck</em>. Fuck fuck fuck,” he mutters as he races to pull on the article of clothing closest to him; Louis’ green hoodie. “Er<em>- Hiiiii!</em>” Harry greets his mother and sister with a big, not-at-all suspicious smile. It’s a dead giveaway paired with the slight flush in his cheeks, prompting Harry’s mother to investigate.</p><p>“Everything alright?” she chuckles, chastising Gemma with a light smack on the arm when she mumbles something about Harry acting weird due to the love bite the size of Jupiter on his neck.</p><p>It’s moments like these that Harry remembers why he used to use her makeup as finger paint when they were kids. Though, now that Harry thinks about it, him constantly stealing her things may be the reason why he’s being teased right now. </p><p>“Gosh, mum, I wonder who the lucky vacuum cleaner is. I’m sure we’ll <em>never</em> guess,” Gemma smirks knowingly. If she wasn’t so annoyingly endearing, he’d be tempted to fly home and strangle her.</p><p>“Are you quite finished?” Harry says through a stupid grin taking over half his face. His sister is never truly finished. She's too quick-witted to let people get away with much. However, she seems satisfied with the amount of teasing she was able to fit into the first five minutes of their call. Their mother however, hasn’t said much. It’s obvious that she knows full well who gave Harry the love bites too. The careful way that she’s looking at Harry right now says she would bet her life on it, she’s just biting her tongue.</p><p>“You can say it, mum. Whatever it is,” Harry encourages her, though he’s unsure if he actually wants to hear the lecture or the warning or the whatever that’s coming. To his surprise, he gets neither. Instead, his mother just grins and tells him that she’s happy if he’s happy. Which would be really nice if his mother didn’t look so concerned while saying it.</p><p>“I <em>am</em> happy for you, Harry. And for Louis of course. I want you <em>both</em> to be happy,” she reveals when Harry playfully narrows his eyes at her in suspicion. “I just- I worry. You know that.”</p><p>“Yeah, but I’m alright, mum,” Harry assures her. “We’re both okay. It’s just a thing that happened but nothing has changed. We’re still just friends,” he grins. “Still traveling. Still having loads of fun. Promise.”</p><p>Every word of what Harry just said was one hundred percent the truth. He can’t tell if his mother is convinced of that when she fondly shakes her head at him.</p><p>“<em>So</em>,” she begins in a tone that says they’re done with the serious portion of their talk. For now, anyway. “Did you get us any good souvenirs from Japan or are we murdering you when you finally get back?” she jokes. At least Harry assumes she’s joking. She’s probably joking.</p><p> </p><p>An hour later, Louis comes back to find Harry in the same place he left him, snuggled under the duvet and in need of a nap. Harry grins the instant he hears Louis kick off his shoes before crawling under the duvet too. His nose is cold when he presses it behind Harry’s ear, but his lips warm the spot when they lightly brush over it.  </p><p>“They know. Figured it out within sixty seconds,” Harry reports of his mother and sister whom he could never hide anything from because they know him <em>too </em>well. “How’d you do?”</p><p>“Even better,” Louis snorts. “Pheebs called me out as soon as the fucking call connected. Apparently, I have a ‘<em>Harry</em> <em>smile’.</em> Whatever the hell<em> that</em> means.”</p><p>It probably means the same thing as Harry's 'Louis smile'. It also means they’re both ridiculous, but honestly, Harry can’t bring himself to care.</p><p>“It was the love bite that did me in. Thanks for that, by the way. Very thorough,” Harry jokes, sighing into Louis’ hold when he tightens his arms around him.</p><p>It’s all Harry needs to start drifting off again. The only thing that stops him from falling completely under is Louis’ silent chuckles jiggling the bed.  “What?” Harry asks him.</p><p>“It’s nothing. It’s just... I thought I was <em>done</em> with all of this, you know? The butterflies, the special smiles; all of it,” Louis admits.</p><p>“Yeah. And now you're back in the game. <em>So</em>?” Harry teases, flipping over onto his other side to meet his gaze.</p><p>“<em>SO</em>, you and your stupid perfect hair and your freakishly perfect everything ruined it,” Louis smirks. “<em>Wanker</em>.”</p><p>That confession slash accusation slash compliment was... interesting<em>,</em> to say the least. But, it’s hard for Harry to be even slightly offended when just seconds later, he’s being kissed so hard he feels the electricity from it all the way down to his toes.</p>
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<a name="section0008"><h2>8. Chapter 8</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <em>~Las Vegas                                                                                                                                                                       ~4 weeks later</em>
</p><p>It’s been a little over three months since the day Louis wandered into the shop where Harry was working. Three whole months of them exploring the world; going anywhere and everywhere they think might lead them on a new adventure. To Harry, it feels like they were at Heathrow just yesterday, so it’s hard to believe they’re nearly halfway through their travel time together. Not that they haven’t made the most of it. Ever since Quebec they’ve been moving at a faster pace, determined to hit every place on their list and then some.</p><p>Like popping up in Ontario at Niagara Falls simply because it was so close to their ski resort that it would’ve been a shame <em>not</em> to go check it out. From there, they hit New York City; <em>hard</em>. Honestly, Harry was more exhausted after hopping from borough to borough than he has ever been hopping from country to country. Next, was a day in DC where they ditched their flight to Disney down in Florida to rent a car and have their first official road trip of the holiday. They had so much fun driving and blasting every road trip playlist they could find that they decided to keep the party going with an impromptu trip to Louisiana for Spanish moss trees, beignets, and a stroll down Bourbon Street. From there, they had planned to fly all the way to Yellowstone in Wyoming to camp beneath the stars, but it was a bit too cold for that, so they flew to Arizona instead. And sure, they missed out on the all the natural beauty of Yellowstone National Park, but Harry is convinced that nothing else on this Earth will ever compare to watching the sun set over the Grand Canyon.</p><p>They’ve been through one hell of a month in America. Harry smiles just thinking about it because although it was a crazy time, he wouldn’t trade a second of it. Not even now as he’s standing in the middle of his and Louis’ hotel room on the Vegas strip trying on everything decent that he brought with him on this trip because tonight is yet another adventurous first for them; their first real date.</p><p>He guesses that technically, everything they’ve seen and done together could be seen as one massive date, but there’s just something about a specially chosen outfit, meticulously arranging his curls a dozen times in the mirror, and feeling his stomach turn cartwheels because tonight is different. He still can’t believe Louis said yes to him this morning when he asked. Harry had woken up to find Louis flipping through his travel book and looking so radiant in the dessert sunshine pouring through their window. He didn’t want to scare Louis off by asking him out and pushing him into something he doesn’t want, or implying that they have somehow entered couple’s territory without ever really discussing it. However, Harry hadn’t needed to worry so much about that because surprisingly, Louis agreed almost as soon as the words were out of his mouth.</p><p>Now, here they are twelve hours later; Louis humming to himself while doing God knows what in the bathroom with a secret bag full of things he sneaked out and bought this afternoon, and Harry mentally scolding himself for not taking the time to properly fold the one respectable shirt that he packed. In his defense he hadn’t expected to be going on many dates during this time. He hadn’t planned on dating anyone, but that just goes to show that you never know what the future holds.</p><p>There’s a nervous sort of excitement thrumming through his veins as he continues to get ready. The feeling only intensifies when he thinks about Louis doing the exact same thing as him just behind the bathroom door. Harry honestly can’t wait to see him which is crazy because they’ve spent the whole day together. They’ve seen each other all day every day for the last three months, and somehow Harry still can’t get enough.</p><p>When the bathroom door creaks open about twenty minutes later, Louis looks better than Harry imagined he could in a pair of jeans and a striped long-sleeved shirt Harry’s never seen him wear before. His outfit isn’t the only surprise. It seems Louis was in the bathroom for so long because he styled his hair with something that makes it look messy as always, but more intentionally so. He also shaved revealing a sharp jawline that Harry can’t stop staring at.</p><p>“Wow. You went all out,” Louis teases with a glance at the iron Harry had to break out of the closet to get his outfit sorted. He also takes a moment to appreciate the absence of Harry’s facial hair that he was happy to let go of for an occasion as special as this. </p><p>“Thanks. So did you,” Harry says taking note of the price tag still hanging from the end of Louis’ right sleeve. “Er- You forgot something.” Louis rolls his eyes at himself when Harry reaches out and removes the evidence of what he bought this afternoon while Harry was perusing a vintage camera shop just off the strip. “Perfect,” Harry smiles, watching Louis’ cheeks take on the slightest tinge of pink as he rolls his eyes again to pretend otherwise.</p><p>“So, now that we’re all baby smooth and dressed up, where to? I’m starving,” Louis announces. He’s been trying to figure out where they’re going for their big date all day long. So far, he has guessed about a dozen potential romantic dinner spots, but none of them are right. “Seriously? You’re <em>still </em>not telling me,” Louis scoffs when Harry doesn’t immediately crack. “Fiiiiine. Can I at least get a hint?” he tries.</p><p>Harry’s not giving away their first stop no matter how much Louis tries getting it out of him. But, he can give him a hint. “You’ll love it. Promise.” Harry knows because it’s all Louis has been talking about since they got to America.</p><p> </p><p>As predicted, Louis Tomlinson is the happiest man on Earth when they stop outside the elusive In N Out Burger that Louis has wanted to try his whole life. It wasn’t necessarily on his holiday to-do list, but Harry is happy they get to check it off regardless.</p><p>“It’s so fucking <em>good</em>. Why do people here even eat anything else?” he demands with a mouth full of burger and cheese.</p><p>“Hold still,” Harry mumbles through his own mouth full of food as he reaches out to wipe stray ketchup from his chin.</p><p>“You too,” Louis says, returning the favor by thumbing away something on Harry’s face. “Jesus, we’re like toddlers,” he snorts. “Actually, I take that back. My youngest siblings were never even this bad. And they’re only <em>six</em>.”</p><p>Harry laughs at his joke, trying his best to imagine the youngest twins being anywhere near as messy as them. “It’s probably a good thing we didn’t go fancy for dinner after all.”</p><p>“Eh. We’ve gone to stuffy, touristy places pretty much everywhere we’ve been, which is nice, but. I like this more. It feels more us, you know what I mean?”</p><p>Harry knows exactly what he means, unable to control his own grin as his brain fixates on the <em>us</em> part of all that. “I do know what you mean.” Feeling like them with no pressure to be anyone else is why Harry chose this place. Well that and the perfect view it gives them of the Elvis Wedding Chapel where a revolving door of drunk couples have been stumbling in and out.</p><p>“This place is spectacular,” he says around his straw full of chocolate milkshake as two brides with light-up veils run past them. “Best date ever.”</p><p>“Well, don’t get too comfortable because it’s not over yet,” Harry tells him.</p><p>“Oh?” Louis smirks. “Are there wedding bells in our future tonight?”</p><p>There are bells in their future, but not that kind. At least not yet. The kind of bells Harry has in mind are loud, obnoxious, and only ring when some lucky arsehole hits the jackpot. And since they’re already having such a great night, Harry’s hoping that lucky arsehole could be one of them.</p><p>It’s not one of them of course even though they give it a real go for nearly two hours. By the time he and Louis finally run out of coins and patience, they’ve collectively won and lost forty-seven dollars and a voucher for ten extra coins on their next visit. Some might call that lack of a payoff a waste of time and effort, Harry disagrees because the amount of fun they have being the worst gamblers in history more than outweighs their losses.</p><p>Harry certainly couldn’t care less about their shitty gambling skills when they finally make it back to their hotel room and Louis starts stripping them out of their clothes as soon as the door shuts behind them.</p><p>Every time they have sex is somehow better than the last because they just keep learning more about each other. Like how a couple of drinks turns Louis from smiley and giggly to flirty and handsy in record speed, but, even so, he still manages to slow down enough to kiss Harry soft enough that his breath catches in his throat. Louis isn’t the only one who has figured out all the right moves. Harry learned early on how quickly he can get Louis’ heart racing just by holding his gaze as he wraps either his hand or mouth around him. He likes it when Harry rides him just as intimately. They like to be as close to each other as possible, but the closeness Harry feels with Louis is more than just physical. Sometimes when they’re together, it almost feels like their hearts beat at the same pace; the same sure rhythm. Each time it happens, Harry wonders if he’s the only one who notices.</p><p>It’s close to midnight when they’re lying practically on top of one another despite being so hot and sweaty they’re practically glued together. They wouldn’t have it any other way though, especially now that their hotel rooms feature one big bed instead of two small ones they ditched right after Quebec. It was the best decision ever in Harry’s opinion because they no longer have to make up excuses to cuddle and fall asleep together. Now, they just do it and they’re a million times happier as a result.</p><p>They should both be exhausted after their day out on the town and then their date as well, but neither of them has drifted off yet even though it’s nearing one in the morning. Harry doesn’t mind though, content where he’s sitting against the headboard going through his camera’s memory card. Clearly Louis isn’t concerned about the time either, mentally planning their visit to California as he flips through his mum’s travel book.</p><p>He looks so good that Harry can’t resist snapping a few shots of him, making Louis fondly roll his eyes. “I thought someone had learned his lesson about nudes,” Louis chuckles darkly. He’s referring to the photo of Louis’ naked bum that accidentally got lumped in the last round of holiday photos Harry sent their families.</p><p>“Shut up. And stay still,” Harry smirks, sitting up from the headboard to get a better angle of Louis’ profile.</p><p>“<em>Oh, great. A full-frontal nude to complete the series for everyone</em>,” Louis mutters under his breath, snorting when Harry pinches him so he can get his shot.</p><p>“Shut it. This one’s just for me,” Harry grins, sitting back against the headboard to see the magic he just captured. All three photos he just took of Louis are amazing of course. That’s no surprise given that Louis is easily the most photogenic person Harry’s ever met. Louis’ the best muse he could ask for so he can’t stop, won’t stop, and Louis can just deal.</p><p>Once Harry has finished admiring his most recent additions to his memory card that’s nearly full after months on the road. He has a whole timeline of all the remarkable things they’ve seen and done together. Well, maybe not <em>everything </em>he captured was remarkable. Some days they’ve done nothing but sit in pubs talking. Some days they never even left their hotel like that first time in Quebec. They spent days in that city, though no one would be able to tell it from the <em>dozens</em> of selfies of them cuddled up in bed.</p><p>“What?” Louis asks when he notices Harry smiling to himself over their great Canadian skiing adventure that was really anything but.</p><p>“We basically wasted that trip to Quebec,” he laughs. “We hardly even left your bed.”</p><p>“Uhhh, sorry, but I can’t seem to remember any <em>complaints</em> at the time,” Louis quips before playfully nudging Harry in the side.</p><p>“Um, I seem to remember spending <em>weeks</em> just hoping for a kiss, so trust me. No complaints to be had on my end,” Harry smiles. “I just know how excited you were to be out on the slopes, is all. I sort of hate that we didn’t make time for both.”</p><p>Louis snorts at that like it’s the most preposterous thing he’s ever heard. “What the hell are you talking about? Why?” he grins. “I had the time of my life in Quebec.”</p><p>“Wait, seriously?” Harry asks skeptically, thinking of all the other places they’ve been where they <em>actually</em> got to experience them in full.</p><p>“Seriously. It was the best,” Louis confirms. “Besides, I’d much rather die with one beyond epic ski day under my belt than none, so save it, Styles," he smirks. "I’ll be croaking a <em>very</em> happy man.”</p><p>Harry’s stomach lurches like he was just pushed down a flight of stairs and he’s pretty sure he’s the only one to notice. It was a joke. Louis makes them a lot, so Harry has grown mostly used to it. He’s used to Louis making light of his own situation; his own life. But, it’s the way he jokes about it all ending so easily and with such confidence that makes Harry feel like he just got doused with ice water. Every. single. time.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0009"><h2>9. Chapter 9</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>*Double Chapter* because I have my big exams in a week and I assume I'll be a zombie by then who will have to resume writing the following week 🙃</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <em>~Los Angeles</em>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>“Do you hear that?” Louis gasps suddenly, pausing mid-bite into his third In N Out burger in the last week.</p><p>“You mean, the army of bandit seagulls? How could anyone <em>not</em> hear them,” Harry grumbles as he slides his fries even closer to ensure another one doesn’t get plucked away, never to be seen again. </p><p>“No, not them. The song,” Louis grins a little down the beach at the group of people tossing around a football to The Killers. “I love that song,” he says as <em>Runaways</em> continues blasting from someone’s portable speaker. “They were my first ever concert when I was sixteen. Well, the first concert <em>I</em> got to choose, anyway. Technically, my first was David Bowie with my mum. I was too young to really care, but she <em>loved</em> him,” he explains with the fondest expression on his face.</p><p>Harry can understand why.</p><p>“Your first concerts were David Bowie <em>and</em> The Killers?” Harry scoffs in disbelief, and also pure envy.</p><p>“You look so annoyed,” Louis snorts.</p><p>“Because that’s so unfair!” Harry exclaims. “You got Ziggy Stardust and Brendan Flowers, while I got...”</p><p>“Go on,” Louis presses when Harry stops himself from giving Louis information to use against him for the rest of forever.</p><p>“<em>No</em>.”</p><p>“Oh, come on, H. You’re <em>really</em> not going to say it?” he grins. “You’d withhold something so important from <em>me</em>? In <em>my </em>condition.”</p><p>Harry rolls his eyes the way he always does when Louis plays the tumor card. However, the only reason he plays it so much is because it works like a charm to get whatever he wants out of Harry.</p><p>“<em>If</em> I tell you, you may not laugh, snicker, comment, or bring it up ever again,” he warns, hating that he finds Louis’ crossing his heart with a French fry so cute.</p><p>“You have my word. Won’t say a thing.”</p><p>“Good. Because it was The Wiggles,” Harry reveals, instantly regretting it when Louis starts choking on his food. “I was twelve, but my younger cousin was five at the time and she really wanted me to go with her and her parents, so shut it.”</p><p>“<em>What</em>? I said nothing!” Louis exclaims, laughing so hard his eyes crinkle to practically nothing.</p><p>“We agreed no laughing,” Harry complains as he flicks more sand onto Louis’ beach towel.</p><p>“Well, I’m only human. What do you expect when you drop the fucking Wiggles on me?” he cackles. “Oh, God. That was <em>amazing</em>.”</p><p>“My second concert was much better, you know!” Harry says in his own defense. “It was The Script when I was fifteen.”</p><p>Harry expected Louis to stop laughing at him at some point, but maybe not as quickly as he does when he stops eating fries to blink at him.</p><p>“What year was that? Like, 2009, right? Because if it was, I saw them that year too. It was at the Apollo in-”</p><p>“Manchester?” Harry finishes for him, now grinning too because that’s one hell of a coincidence.</p><p>“Holy shit,” Louis grins. “And I thought we got lucky with me stumbling into your shop months ago. I guess lightning really can strike twice.”</p><p>Harry is so happy that’s the case. He can’t imagine them missing their shot at a concert years ago and never getting another one. “Come here,” Harry smiles, tasting nothing but In N Out when their lips meet.</p><p>LA has been so perfect. Sweet moments like these make things even more perfect. But, perfection isn’t a thing anyone can have of course. Imperfect always presents itself in the form of a hiccup or two. For them, it’s the painful looking wince Louis tries to hide when they pull back.</p><p>“Are you alright?” Harry asks even though he knows the answer because Louis hasn’t really been himself the last few days. He’s been tired and his balance has been a little off due to him feeling dizzy.</p><p>“Er- Yeah, I’m good. Perfect,” Louis lies. Harry can tell just from how tight his grin has gotten in the last few seconds.</p><p>“I can run back to the hotel and grab your medication. It’ll take me no time at all,” Harry offers, already getting up from his towel when Louis stops him with a hand on his wrist.</p><p>“Haz. I’m fine. Promise.” This time, Louis’ eyes are genuine. Just like his grin after he reassures Harry with a lingering kiss on the lips. “And I’ll take my medication, but <em>after</em> we watch this beautiful sunset. Can’t do that if you go running off, now can we?” he teases.</p><p>It takes a lot for Harry to not go running off anyway because although Louis isn’t yet having full-on migraines again, Harry knows that won’t last. Especially since they’ve been spending so much time in the hot sun. He forces himself to stay put though, leaning his head on Louis’ shoulder as requested as they both breathe in the salty air.</p><p> </p><p>Harry starts making Louis’ tea as soon as they get back to their hotel room. Louis grins at him from their bed the whole time, claiming that he feels fine and that he’s more than capable of making his own tea for his medication.</p><p>“<em>Quiet, you</em>,” Harry chastises as he hands Louis his tea and crawls into bed next to him with his laptop. “I’m taking care of you, now drink your tea and tell me which movie you want to watch. It’s your pick.”</p><p>“<em>It</em>,” Louis chirps, snorting into his mug when Harry nods to hide the fact that it’s the last thing on Earth he wants to see. “I’m only joking, love. I know how you feel about clowns. Found that out back in Australia,” Louis chuckles like Harry didn’t nearly have a fucking heart attack from the random clown they saw juggling on the boardwalk.</p><p>“Wow, thanks for the consideration,” Harry mutters. He’s unable to stop himself from grinning when Louis fondly kicks at his feet beneath the duvet.</p><p>“Knocked Up!” Louis chooses instead when he sees Harry hover over it for a brief second.</p><p>“Does Seth Rogen know you’re deeply in love with him, or?” Harry teases given that they’ve watched two other Seth Rogen movies as in-flight films.</p><p>“Maybe,” Louis quips. “Why? Jealous?”</p><p>Harry is the one currently cuddled up with Louis in bed. Not Seth Rogen. If anything, Seth should be jealous of him. “Nope. Not one bit,” Harry says, smacking a kiss to Louis’ jaw before hitting play, simply because he can.</p><p>It’s obvious that Louis is feeling better once he starts cackling like mad within minutes of the movie starting. Louis’ laugh is one of Harry’s favorite things about him because it is so loud, and it lights up every part of his face. He laughs so hard at one point that his stomach aches, which is much more entertaining to Harry than the movie could ever be. The movie isn’t all comedy though. Some parts are actually really sweet. Like the end where the two main characters finally figure it out and become a little family after the birth of their daughter. There is no big, loud bursts of laughter from watching that; just Louis grinning fondly like it’s the best end he could’ve imagined for them.</p><p>When Harry closes the laptop, Louis is still grinning to himself. So much so that Harry can’t help watching him, which Louis notices after a while making him groan.</p><p>“You’re blushing,” Harry points out which only makes Louis’ cheeks go darker.</p><p>“Am not,” he lies. “It’s sunburn from the beach.” <em>Harry </em>is the one who burns after a day on the beach. Not Louis, the bronze god who has probably never gotten a sun burn a day in his life.</p><p>“What’s on your mind? Really,” Harry asks. He doesn’t really expect Louis to answer given that whatever it is has him acting uncharacteristically shy.</p><p>“Nothing. It’s just<em> nice</em>, you know,” he shrugs. “Figuring it all out. Doing the whole parent thing with someone you kind of want to strangle, but you don’t because you’re a team... sounds fun.”</p><p>“It does,” Harry agrees. He honestly can’t think of anything better he could eventually do with his life besides starting a family with someone he loves. The fantasy is even better since he has already found the perfect person for the job.</p><p>“You’ll make a great dad someday. Lucky kids, whoever they are,” Louis tells him, and it’s genuine. Harry just wishes Louis could believe the same thing about himself.</p><p>“Louis, you know that you-” Harry begins, but he’s stopped with a soft squeeze to his forearm.</p><p>“Please don’t?” Louis whispers, with the same sad smile that’s fucking breaking Harry’s heart.</p><p>He isn’t sure what to say to that. Harry’s first instinct is to indulge Louis’ wish for the future; to listen to his desire for having a family someday and believe in his dream, even if he doesn’t believe in it himself. It’s hard to do that when Louis would prefer to not talk about it at all.</p><p>“Alright, new movie. The night is still young,” Louis says after a long silence between them. “You pick this time.”</p><p>Picking another movie is the last thing on Harry’s mind right now knowing that the person he loves is shoving down all the dreams dearest to his heart. It’s not like anyone can blame him. Harry can’t judge him for trying to protect himself from possible future disappointments. It’s self-preservation at its best. Harry just hates that he feels the need to build up walls where there should be nothing but clear blue skies.</p><p>“Uh... I can’t choose. You pick again,” Harry says, still too distracted and worried to even think about movies. Maybe it’s obvious that Harry’s heart isn’t really in it anymore because Louis doesn’t pick a new movie either. Instead, he takes the liberty of placing the laptop on their bedside table. He pulls the duvet over their heads and then kisses Harry so deep that the loud thoughts in his mind and all of his concerns go quiet. At least, for a little while anyway.</p><p> </p><p><em>~Mexico City </em>                                                                                                                                                                           <em> ~2 weeks later</em></p><p>Their suite in Mexico City is probably Harry’s favorite out of all the places they’ve stayed. It has all the regular things that they come to associate with home like a big comfy bed with a nice view, a continental breakfast, and enough room for all their stuff and souvenirs they’ve accumulated over the months. But, this time they’ve got something better than all of that and one-thousand times more fun than anything else they could experience together; a full kitchen where they spend their evenings trying not to burn the place to the ground.</p><p>Granted, most of what they attempt is barely edible because neither of them is a master chef. However, after a few nights of attempting recipes Harry’s mum sends over, they finally realize it’s never going to happen for them and order in Mexican food instead. Not that ordering in is a failure by any means because Mexico City has some of the best food they’ve eaten since Italy. In fact, it’s so good, on their last night in the city they decide to walk to the place they’ve been ordering from all week to finally experience it firsthand.</p><p> </p><p>“Slow down!” Harry laughs as Louis attempts to fit nearly <em>half</em> of a taco into his mouth. “I’ve already told you I don’t know the Heimlich if you choke.”</p><p>Louis mumbles something along the lines of “<em>Not gonna</em>,” but it’s lost in all the chewing.</p><p>“Idiot,” Harry chuckles, focusing his attention on the chips and guacamole between them in the center of the table. But, before he can even get a bite he is beaten by a slightly smaller, yet persistent hand scooping up a very generous amount of guac for himself. “<em>Heeey!</em> We’re meant to <em>share</em> that, you know,” Harry chastises Louis. The same person who just a week ago went on a ten-minute rant about how much he hates avocados. “What happened to avocados being <em>un</em>cool?” he teases only for Louis to start in on a new rant. A reverse rant because apparently, his rules about avocados only apply in some places on the globe.</p><p>“It’s <em>trendy</em> back home and in LA,” Louis scoffs. “Here, it’s fucking <em>amazing</em>,” he moans aloud making everyone near them stop eating to look at them. He’s so fucking hilarious. And cute, of course.</p><p>“God, I love you,” Harry snorts, happy to finally get a chance to steal away some guacamole for himself.  Harry is just about to bite down on a tortilla chip when he catches sight of Louis across from him, sitting frozen like someone just doused him in something cold. “What? What’s wrong?” Harry asks, running the last few seconds back in his mind until he finds his mistake. Only, it wasn’t a mistake; not to Harry. Saying he loves Louis isn’t something he should have to constantly bite his tongue about. Especially if it’s fucking <em>true</em>.</p><p>Harry doesn’t know what to say to remedy what he just did, and frankly, he doesn’t want to remedy it. He doesn’t care if Louis or anyone else knows how he feels.  “What?” he demands again, his blood starting to boil every second Louis refuses to meet his gaze like Harry has done something wrong.</p><p>It takes Louis another few seconds before he unfreezes himself and the shock wears off. Eventually, he shakes his head in answer, shifting his weight in his seat and gently clearing his throat before he goes back to finishing his tacos. Though, he still has trouble looking Harry in the eyes.</p><p>Minutes pass in silence before Louis speaks up again, and when he finally does, it just enrages Harry more.</p><p>“You know, we- we don’t have to do that; say things in the heat of the moment that won’t matter come December.”</p><p>Again with fucking December. It’s all Harry can do to stop himself from screaming because they’re sitting here at the end of October, carefree, happy and in love, only Louis won’t let them be. It’s like he’s purposefully sabotaging their relationship, or whatever the hell they have together since Louis has been weird about labels from the bloody start. He has made this feel impossible. Like they can’t have even a tiny shred of light in all the darkness Louis insists on shrouding them in whenever he gets a chance. And Harry is beyond sick of it. </p><p>He doesn’t even feel like he’s in his own body when he digs into his pocket for the peso bills there and tosses them on the table next to his half-eaten food. Louis blinks back like he can’t believe Harry just did that and his shock only worsens when Harry stands and leaves the restaurant to go somewhere. Anywhere else but here when he can’t even speak from fear of yelling or saying something he’s going to regret.</p><p>He’s so angry and pissed off that he’s seeing red as he storms off toward their hotel, but he’s unsure if it’s really Louis he’s angry with or just their situation in general.</p><p>It’s not fair that he has to walk on eggshells about how he feels. It’s also not fair that December has this dumb double meaning for them simply because the universe is fucked and Louis has to go through something that no one should ever have to go through. And, <em>of course</em> the things they feel and say will <em>matter </em>come December. They’ll matter in any month. They’ll matter always because love doesn’t have neat little boundaries the way Louis wants it to. Love doesn’t have an off switch. Harry loves Louis, and he will continue loving him because Louis’ walls and his dumb rules may work for him, but they have no authority over Harry’s heart.</p><p>He hears Louis long before he sees him; his familiar voice calling Harry’s name from yards away until he’s so close that Harry can feel him at his heels.</p><p>“Haz. Come on, love. Don’t be like this.”</p><p>He’s one to fucking talk about someone<em> being</em> a certain way. Louis spends so much time pretending <em>not </em>to love Harry that they can’t even have honest heart-to-hearts with each other; the thing they’ve done since the very beginning.</p><p>“Haz, please,” he implores prompting Harry to walk even faster. “HARRY, JUST TALK TO ME FOR FUCK’S SAKE!” he bellows making them both stop dead in the middle of the pavement.</p><p>“WHAT’S THE POINT?” Harry fires back without meaning to. It’s stupid to have a screaming match in the middle of the pavement. Nothing good will come of it. If anything, it’s only going to make matters worse, but he can’t help it. Clearly it’s the only way he’s going to get to say the things he wants to without Louis acting like he’s breaking some cardinal rule. “I’ve tried talking to you! That’s all I want is to talk to you and love you, but you won’t <em>let </em>me!”</p><p>“That’s because it’s a waste of time, Haz. We both know-”</p><p>“NO, WE <em>DON’T</em> BOTH KNOW!” Harry counters so loudly that his hands are shaking. The sensation travels through his arms, his chest, and up to his throat until it’s stinging with tears, but he won’t let them fall. “Neither of us knows what’s going to happen in the future, Louis, so would you stop trying to control everything and protect everyone and just <em>be here</em> with me!?”</p><p>It’s a simple request; living life with Louis being a part of it for as long as possible. However, that’s the thing they can’t see eye to eye on, because that seems to be the most difficult thing for Louis to do.</p><p>“You don’t get it,” Louis says like always.</p><p>“Yeah, you’re right. I <em>don’t</em> get how you’re so negative all the time and you always expect the worst.”</p><p>“Oh, I don’t know,” Louis quips back. “Maybe it’s because I don’t live in a fantasy world, lying to myself like there isn’t one way this all ends.” Harry lets out a groan that’s a mixture of frustration and disbelief at how ridiculous Louis is being. “See!” Louis continues. “This is exactly what I was afraid of. This big, painful, complicated, impossible, and messy thing that could’ve been totally avoided! See! I knew we shouldn’t have fucking done this!” he exclaims, and suddenly Harry’s chest is so tight that it aches.</p><p>Those few words and the pain that accompanied them are all Harry needs to know that Louis has this all wrong. If they weren’t supposed to be together, it wouldn’t hurt this badly to picture a universe where they never get here; fighting in the middle of a deathday holiday for no other reason than how much they truly care about each other.</p><p>“Don’t say that,” he says quietly, no longer possessing the anger he had. How can he stay angry when he knows that even if for some reason, this was all over tomorrow, he wouldn’t change a thing. He’d redo every moment, good or bad, in a heartbeat.</p><p>He knows better than to wait around for an ‘<em>I love you</em>’ back from Louis. It’s not a direct reflection of how Louis truly feels; just the huge boundaries he thinks he’s maintaining by not saying the words aloud. It’s all in vain though because Harry feels the love anyway, even if Louis won’t voice it.</p><p>“I don’t want to fight with you,” Louis sighs. He looks tired like he went from sixty to zero just in the time they left the restaurant.</p><p>“I don’t want to fight either,” Harry says in agreement. He hates when they argue. “I’m sorry I stormed off like that.”</p><p>“No, no. Don’t apologize. You needed your space. I get that,” Louis nods in understanding. “You take the suite for yourself. I’ll get another room for the night.”</p><p>Louis’ suggestion hurts almost as much as when he said they shouldn’t be together. The last thing he wants after a fight with Louis is to be apart from him.</p><p>“I don’t want space. I just want you,” Harry explains, grateful for the small sigh of relief Louis lets out as a result.</p><p>“Oh. I figured you were still mad at me. Well, that's good news,” Louis chuckles humorlessly to himself, wincing a bit when Harry reveals that he <em>is</em> still mad at him. His relieved expression returns a few seconds later when Harry says that regardless, he doesn’t care about their argument. What’s important to him is how they try to move on from it. Avoiding each other isn’t going to make that happen.</p><p>He goes easily when Louis steps closer and pulls him into a long make-up kiss that instantly calms Harry’s pulse. And it feels good. It feels right, but his chest aches all the same because their issue with one another can never be fully resolved. At least not right now with Louis trying to prepare him for the day he’s gone, and Harry desperately trying to keep him here as long as possible.</p><p> </p><p>It doesn’t hit Harry how quickly things are unraveling until the next afternoon when he’s on the phone with his mother and sister who realize immediately that something isn’t quite right. He assures them that he’s fine, but they see right through the lie. It’s the lowest they’ve seen him in nearly half a year. It’s also the first time that this holiday hasn’t <em>felt</em> like a holiday. For the first time, he’s actually terrified of the future. He hasn’t been scared this whole trip, but now that he and Louis are on the other side of their deathday holiday, the days are quickly adding up and he wishes he could press pause right here.</p>
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<a name="section0010"><h2>10. Chapter 10</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Annnnd we're back! Thanks so much for your patience. Hope you enjoy ❤️</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <em>~San Jose   </em>
</p><p>The first thing Louis feels when he wakes up is the gentle vibrating of his taxi seat and the soft roar of the engine that initially lulled him to sleep. He frowns when he opens his eyes to the hot Costa Rican sun beaming down on him through the windows, but he’s able to ignore the slight throbbing sensation behind his eyes once he feels someone shifting the weight of his head on Louis’ shoulder to get more comfortable.</p><p>The flowery scent of Harry’s shampoo hits Louis when he looks to his right to see him napping and most likely <em>drooling</em> all over him as per usual. It’s the first thing Louis smells every morning, and it’s always a comfort. Especially in moments like this when Louis isn’t feeling so great.</p><p>In truth, he has been feeling off a lot these days. Way more than he’s been letting on to his family and to Harry. Feeling like shit is certainly nothing new for Louis. It just comes with the territory of walking around with a tumor inside his head. Though, lately he has been having more bad days than good. He frequently wakes up nauseated and his dizziness throughout the day doesn’t help. His headaches are mild, but they’re near constant. These are all the little tidbits of information he chooses to keep to himself. Not because he’s in denial or afraid to face the fact that his health is half of what it should be at just twenty-two years old. He just doesn’t want to worry anyone; most of all Harry.</p><p>Well, he doesn’t want to worry him <em>more</em>. Louis already notices the careful way Harry watches him when he lies about feeling fine. He notices everything, and at this point, he knows Louis better than anyone. The only other person who could instantly tell when Louis was full of shit was his mother. It’s no small feat for Harry to do in just a few months what took her over twenty years to master.</p><p>He is amazed by Harry all the time, especially with how good he is at faking it too because he’s terrified even if he does put up a good front and smile to try and pretend otherwise. It’s in his eyes every time Louis has to reach for his medications bag more than usual, or when he wakes up in the middle of the night to be sick and then has to pass up a fun day of sight-seeing to get some much-needed rest. Louis hates those days the most because like it or not, their holiday time is winding down. They’ve only got another month left and it’ll be gone before they know it. That’s why Louis says nothing about his good days becoming so few and far between. Louis just wants them both to enjoy what’s left of their travels, so he can push through a few dumb migraines. He’s more than happy to do it just to get more precious time with him.</p><p>Their taxi pulls into the long, winding drive of their new home for the next five days; a bed and breakfast of Harry’s choice because it’s practically in the middle of the jungle.</p><p>“Haz, we’re here,” Louis whispers as their taxi comes to a stop in front of the cabana. “You’re soaking me in drool,” he says instead when Harry groans in protest of being woken up. Louis does feel a little bad. Especially since he wakes Harry up most mornings before the sun has even had a chance to rise. As a consolation, Louis drops an apology kiss to the top of his head, his breath catching in surprise when Harry sits up to kiss him properly; like there’s no one else in the car or in the entire world but them.</p><p>Louis forgets that they’ve even arrived anywhere after Harry finally pulls back with an annoyingly smug grin.</p><p>“Who’s drooling now?” he quips before hopping out of the taxi to grab their bags like the little shit he has become over the months. Louis has no idea where he could’ve picked that up. None whatsoever.</p><p>Harry’s excitement is palpable when they get up to their tiny room with a giant bath towel folded into the shape of a monkey in the center of their bed. He goes on and on about how cute it is all the way to their private balcony where Harry spots an <em>actual</em> monkey in a tree close enough to watch it scurry up into the canopy.</p><p>“Holy shit! We’ve barely been here five minutes and we’ve already seen one! Well, <em>two </em>if you count our new friend here,” he laughs at the towel monkey he has yet to put down. “This place is already amazing!”</p><p>“Yeah, it is. Good choice in picking it,” Louis agrees, more impressed with the meters of jungle between their bed and breakfast and the bungalow across the way, meaning they can’t be seen by anyone right now besides each other.</p><p>Louis’ headache isn’t any better than it was on the plane, in the airport, or in the taxi, but it isn’t so bad that he isn’t instantly hard at the thought of them making good use of their private balcony by having sex on every inch of it. Monkeys be damned.</p><p>“So, now that we’re finally here, what do you want to do first?” Harry chirps. “Sight-seeing? Early lunch? We passed a cute café in town so we could always- <em>Mmm</em>,” he hums mid-sentence, dropping the towel animal at their feet and eagerly pushing forward to kiss Louis back with the same fervor.</p><p>By now, Louis has learned pretty much every trick in the book when it comes to Harry; how to touch him to have him sighing in content. How to nip at his bottom lip to make his chest jump with every sharp inhale. Because Louis knows exactly how to play it, Harry is already so turned on a few minutes later that he huffs in protest when Louis suddenly pulls away. He doesn’t go far though, just down to his knees in front of Harry; enough to make Harry swallow hard, not daring to even blink when Louis removes his joggers and sinks his mouth around him.</p><p>Harry’s eyes match the trees around them. Their rich green is made even more brilliant with the stands of golden light peeking through the thick canopy above. It is exactly how Louis wants to remember them no matter where he ends up a month from now or however much longer he gets to be here with Harry.</p><p>Taking the time to fully appreciate their moments together is most important to Louis when they’re in them. It’s what causes him to think twice about fucking Harry on the hard slab of stone overlooking the lush grounds. Instead, they stumble back into their room and onto the big, fluffy bed with a long, sheer canopy hanging over it. It’s like being shielded from the rest of the world as they move together and forget the rest of the world even exists.</p><p>Louis catalogues every exhale that hits his skin and every sound absorbed by his lips so that when he thinks back on this moment he’ll recall every detail of it that made his heart race. His shoulders sting from the nails digging into spots freshly healed from the last time they had sex. He doesn’t care about the marks. Actually, he enjoys them as well as the dull ache in his muscles that always lingers for days.</p><p>They’re looking right at each other when they come much quieter than Louis would’ve guessed considering how gloriously loud they can be. They’ve actually gotten complaints before from people sharing their walls, but today the moment is delicate. Louis doesn’t want it to end, still gently fucking Harry just to feel the leftover electricity dance across his skin again. The oversensitivity hurts as much as it feels incredible, which is why Louis can’t stop as he closes his eyes and commits the sensation to memory. He files it away with everything else about Harry that he can’t get enough of. Including, the tender and sentimental way Harry smiles up at him when he finally stills. It sends Louis’ heart racing all over again, being able to tell how much Harry loves him from just one look.</p><p><em>‘I love you’</em> seems to be right at the tip of Harry’s tongue and it’s all Louis can do to stop himself from screaming it aloud himself because it’s there; right in the center of his heart and expanding every day. Sometimes, he thinks about how easy it could be; to just say the thing he feels like Harry who is so unafraid to. To truly be here with Harry that way he asked Louis to be. But, it’s always the uncertainty of whether or not Louis will be here in the future that stops him. The bigger the feelings, the bigger the loss when they stop and Louis doesn’t want to say something unfair that will only cause Harry pain later on. Not when they’ve already made this much harder and more complicated than it should be.</p><p>But, despite the fact that they’ve ended up here with Louis kicking and screaming the whole way, he doesn’t for one second regret Harry giving him back things he thought he’d lost. No matter what happens, Louis doesn’t regret loving him, even if it may be selfish to do so.</p><p> </p><p>Their first couple of hours in San Jose are relatively easy and calm as they settle into their new home for the next few days. They have four days’ worth of volcanoes, hikes, beaches, tours, food, and exploring to get done and Louis is so excited to start experiencing it all. But first, he has to press pause and take a much-needed power nap. Because as much as he wants to hit the ground running and soak up everything their new city has to offer, the reality is his body is past exhaustion, leaving him feeling something like a deflated balloon with a migraine.</p><p>If he could, he’d probably sleep for a whole month. At least that’s what it feels like his body wants him to do when he grudgingly crawls into bed in the middle of the day to recharge. Grudgingly, because Pre-tumor Louis wouldn’t have been caught dead napping away a perfect, sunny day. Two years ago, Louis probably wouldn’t have even needed a room at a bed and breakfast to stay in because he’d hardly even sleep being in a place as exciting as this. Two years ago, he’d be up for anything just like Harry; the gracious and kind soul who feigns a big yawn anytime Louis’ energy level takes a dive. Harry could probably run laps around the city and then go hiking through the jungle while barely breaking a sweat. Riding from the airport to their room certainly isn’t enough to do him in, but he pretends like it is. He fakes it for Louis’ sake, happily curling up next to Louis so he’s not alone while he sleeps off the fatigue.</p><p>Louis sleeps much longer than he intended. The sun is already going down when he wakes up to one of Harry’s arms protectively slung over him and the warm glow of the sunset softening his already beautiful features. Louis hates to wake him and disturb how peaceful he looks, but he has already sacrificed around six hours of their San Jose time for Louis. The least Louis can do to repay him is ensure he gets something delicious to eat for dinner that it comes with a fantastic view.</p><p>“Hey, you,” Louis whispers half an hour later when their delivery order arrives making their room smell like heaven. Harry frowns as he’s pulled from his sleep, but his expression brightens when he sees Louis smiling down at him.</p><p>“What is that?” he asks, eagerly sniffing the air</p><p>“That is the smell of perfection, and it’s waiting out on the balcony. Meet me when you’re all woken up?”</p><p>Harry’s brow furrows in confusion until Louis pokes him in the cheek to bring out his dimples instead.</p><p>“Hurry. It’ll get cold,” Louis warns before going back to the balcony where he spent the last half hour setting up a sunset picnic for them. He laid out all the extra blankets and pillows that the front desk was willing to send up. They’ve got champagne to go with the food, dessert, a bouquet of flowers Louis hand-picked from the courtyard, and even a few candles for when the sun goes down completely and the moon is the only light they’ll have. It’s some of Louis’ best and most romantic handiwork ever. Every bit of it pays off when Harry finally joins him as requested and can’t take the big, dopey smile off his face.</p><p>“What on Earth did I do to deserve all of this?” he chuckles as he sits down next to Louis in their little haven.</p><p>“Oh, you mean, besides dropping everything to travel the world with me, being beyond patient with me and my moods, and even knowing when I want you to nap with me half the day so I’m not lame by myself? Eh, Not much. I mean, you’re pretty useless really. Pathetic,” Louis grins, feeling his heart skip when Harry grabs his face and kisses him so hard that he briefly forgets all about the food and that fact that he’s starving.</p><p>When Harry pulls back to look at him, Louis can feel every bit of his love. It’s more radiant than the last rays of sun warming their skin, and if Louis lets himself, he imagines how much more radiant it’ll become months from now; years from now when they’re having a picnic just like this in a garden that they own, with children they love more than anything in the world. It’s a dangerous dream. Not necessarily for Harry who will have those things someday with someone. But, for Louis, it feels more ephemeral. Even if by some miracle he makes it through the surgery in a month’s time and he wakes up as himself and not some hollow version of himself with half the personality, what are the odds of him staying tumor free? His body has already betrayed him once. What are the odds that it won’t do so again and then he’s back at square one?</p><p>There is no guarantee of any of it. He can’t predict the future and neither can Harry, but he doesn’t let that stop him.</p><p>“God, you know what I want to say to you right now? Like <em>reeeeally</em> badly?” Harry winces with a big declaration of love practically visible in his bright smile.</p><p>“Oh, yeah? What?” Louis fondly rolls his eyes, though he already knows exactly what Harry wants to say; the thing he’s always just seconds from blurting even when Louis is doing the most mundane things in the world.</p><p>“Eh, nothing. It’s fine, I’ll just think it instead,” Harry shrugs, smacking a fresh kiss to Louis’ lips. “Besides, I already said it a couple of times today anyway.”</p><p>“What? You did not,” Louis scoffs, certain he would remember something like that.</p><p>“Oh, don’t worry. You were out cold. Probably missed it,” Harry smirks as he not-so-sneakily swipes a finger through the chocolate cake near his knee for a taste. “<em>Oops</em>,” he chirps like the little shit that he is; finding little ‘I love you’ loopholes like Louis being fucking <em>unconscious.</em></p><p><em>Adorable wanker</em>.</p><p> </p><p>The next day, they don’t spend hours sleeping, though Louis could really do with some more rest. He tries not to think about that though with all the fun things he and Harry do to fill their days left in San Jose. They stroll through plazas and markets, and they tour every museum they can find. Once they’ve exhausted the city, they turn to nature, hiking to four of San Jose’s eight volcanoes to marvel at their splendor. They go rafting along the Pacuare river and spend hours admiring La Paz waterfall that they had to climb miles to get to.</p><p>Costa Rica is the most physically demanding place they’ve been besides Quebec. The only difference is Louis is in worse shape now than he was then, so he’s exhausted no matter how hard he pushes himself. He hits his limit so much faster than he used to, and it sucks because he wants so badly to be able to keep up with Harry and honor his mother and honor himself. His body just isn’t always on board.</p><p>It’s their last day in the city when Louis finally gets a chance to catch his breath. The only thing on their agenda today is to sit under an umbrella, on the beach, watching the blue waves lap at the sand. The peace is a welcome gift, though Louis does wish he were up for a bit of surfing as originally planned. He can’t imagine paddling through the water right now or swimming against the current. All he’s good for right now is relaxing while Harry uses his lap as his personal pillow. Louis certainly doesn’t mind. Harry has more than earned a quiet, mid-day snooze in the sun after all he has done for Louis this week; this <em>year </em>even. From supporting Louis when he needs it most, to telling him to fuck off when he’s being a stubborn, annoying prick. He stops Louis from pushing himself too far whenever he’s on the verge of over doing it. And then, when Louis doesn’t listen, he never ever says I told you so. Harry makes sure Louis takes his medication when he is too exhausted to remember, he never ever lets Louis fall asleep or wake up without him at his side. Almost like a guardian angel sent down to Louis when he didn’t even know he needed him. In truth, he thinks he has his mother to thank for that; his other guardian angel who didn’t want him to take this scary journey alone.</p><p>Before this year, Louis never really believed in things like destiny or fate, but he doesn’t know how else to describe the way Harry burst into his life and settled into it like he’d always been there; like he plans to always be there.</p><p>More than anything, Louis wants that too. He wants a future with Harry in it and a million more fun adventures for them to take on. He would travel the universe with Harry if it were possible. But for now, he’ll settle for this; breathing in warm, salty air, with a perfect boy napping on his lap as the finisher of a perfect day.</p>
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<a name="section0011"><h2>11. Chapter 11</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>~<em>Aguas Calientes</em>                                                                                                                                                                     ~<em>1 week later</em></p>
<p>At this point, after countless flights, busses, trains, taxis, hotel rooms, beds, and even the occasional airport floor, Harry can pretty much fall asleep anywhere. That fact is proven on their two-day, three-leg journey from Costa Rica to Peru where they take a turbulent flight from San Jose to Lima, and then another from Lima to Cusco, a bus through the Peruvian mountains to get to Aguas Calientes just outside their final destination of Machu Picchu.</p>
<p>Harry catches up on sleep practically the whole journey and so does Louis, comfortably tucked into Harry’s side while Harry naps against the window. They sleep for what feels like years so that when they finally make it to their hotel in Aguas Calientes, Harry feels more energized than he has in months. He’s practically a new man from so much rest. Harry feels like he could take on Machu Picchu and the entire world. The thing that makes him feel not so great is realizing their trip didn’t have the same effect on Louis.</p>
<p>Louis was already running on low these past few weeks and their drawn-out journey to Peru hasn’t helped the situation. Rather than arriving in Aguas Calientes fully recharged, Louis just looks more drained. That’s not a good sign given that they have yet another bus ride to Machu Picchu, and that’s not even including the lengthy hike up to the ruins in some of the highest altitude Louis will have experienced so far.</p>
<p>None of it makes Harry feel at ease, per se. Frankly, it all sounds like a perfect storm for disaster because it’s not like Louis has admitted that the altitude started bothering him the moment they got to Lima or that he’s had persistent low-grade migraines the past month. Physically, he isn’t really up to visiting Machu Picchu. He probably isn’t up to it mentally either with how exhausted he is, but of course, true to form and stubborn as ever, he pretends like he’s ready to take on the whole universe; Machu Pichu included.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Harry is up before even the sun on the morning that they’re set to go. It’s a strange turn of events because he usually sleeps until his early-bird boyfriend forces him out of bed. Not this morning though. Louis is still snuggled up beneath the duvet, his eyes twitching fast beneath closed lids as he dreams about who knows what. He’s probably dreaming about his family again. He mentions how much he misses them every day. Harry can’t blame him as he misses his family just as much. In a weird way, he sort of counts Louis’ siblings in that. He has only met them once at the airport at the start of Louis’ death day holiday. Since then, he has learned so much about them through Louis’ stories and also their own whenever they call to check in on their big brother or share all the exciting things going on at home.</p>
<p>Harry does his best to keep everyone updated on his and Louis’ adventures too. He has taken and sent so many pictures over the months that he is unsure what to even do with them all. At this point, he has enough to fill a whole gallery or maybe even two. Having hundreds of travel photos that he loves is a good feeling, especially since he’s taking Louis’ advice and being a photographer with his own blessing. Maybe he’ll submit them somewhere one day. Or maybe even start a gallery of his own. Regardless, whatever he ends up choosing will land him right where he’s supposed to be. If this year has taught him anything, it’s that.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>They’re both awake a couple of hours later, all dressed in their hiking gear and ready to wait for their bus downstairs. Well, almost all dressed. Harry was up first so naturally he was also ready first. Louis slept in a bit. Actually, he slept in quite a lot, only stirring with Harry’s reminder that they have a schedule to stick to for today. He looked exhausted from the moment he opened his eyes even though he slept about nine hours. He forced himself out of bed, pasting on a grin to distract Harry from noticing how slow he moved. Harry did notice of course. Just like he notices now when Louis turns around to look at him in the middle of choosing a t-shirt for the day and rattling off dinner ideas for tonight, and Harry realizes something’s not right about the look on his face.</p>
<p>“Babe? What were you just saying?” Harry asks after Louis goes silent in the middle of a sentence and his brow furrows the way it does when a migraine hits him out of nowhere. “Are you alright?”</p>
<p>It’s obvious that something isn’t right, so Harry stands up from the bed to cross the room where Louis was just digging through his bags. He frowns as he gets closer and sees how pale Louis’ skin has gone in a matter of a few seconds. And the sickly hue is scary, but nowhere near as terrifying as the few drops of blood that trickle from his nose.</p>
<p>Louis mumbles something about feeling weird, which makes sense because he looks faint. And then, within seconds Harry’s fears are confirmed as Louis’ gaze goes unfocused and Harry runs the rest of the way across the room to catch him.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <em>~London                                                                                                                                                                                    ~2 days later</em>
</p>
<p>Louis shouldn’t be here.</p>
<p>Right at this very moment, Louis should be just waking up in a small hotel in the middle of Cusco, ready to spend the whole day getting acquainted with the city by exploring it and all of its big, old cathedrals. He should be marveling at the stone streets and the ancient mountains that his mother would’ve loved. By tonight Louis would’ve been exhausted from being so busy; starving from running around so much so he and Harry would find somewhere amazing for dinner. Someplace where they could drink and talk and get lost in their own little bubble in the world. After that, they’d go back to their small hotel, but never really stepping out of their bubble. They’d be sleepy from the wine, but they’d both happily forgo sleep to spend the night totally wrapped up in each other. Tomorrow morning, they’d be dead on their feet, but they’d have no time for exhaustion in the middle of packing all their shit to leave South America for the final leg of their holiday in Ireland, Portugal, Spain, and finally France. It all would be so perfect. They’d have another few weeks of exploring the world together; being partners in crime. One more perfect month. Except that isn’t going to happen. Because at this moment, Louis isn’t in a small hotel in Cusco. Instead, he’s lying in a hospital bed in the middle of London, listening to his team of doctors and surgeons scold him for not taking seriously all the warning signs his body has been giving him that his tumor has gotten bigger.</p>
<p>On some level, Louis knew that was the case. Despite what his doctors think, Louis isn’t an idiot. He felt the migraines getting stronger and lasting for longer periods of time. He felt the dizziness, the nausea, the crippling fatigue that would span his entire day from the moment he woke up.  His vision blurs from time to time these days, but he never mentioned it to anyone. Sometimes, he felt so weak he could hardly place one foot in front of the other, but he never showed it because if he acknowledged it, then it was real. And, if it was real, that would mean he had less time than he originally thought; less time for traveling, less time for being free and himself, and most frightening of all, less time with Harry.</p>
<p>For a moment, Louis blinks away from his doctors and surgeons standing at the foot of his bed scolding him for breaking his end of their deal to come home as soon as his symptoms started getting worse. They’re not saying anything he doesn’t already know. And besides, it’s hard to focus on them with his family and friends standing on one side of his bed looking just as confused about why Louis let it get this bad. And then of course, there’s Harry standing near the back of the room anxiously chewing at his bottom lip with his green eyes still as terrified as they were two days ago when Louis fainted right in front of him.</p>
<p>He’ll never forgive himself for that. For scaring Harry half to death. For not telling him how bad it had gotten and letting his health become a runaway train that landed them both in a situation they’d rather not be in. Harry was the one to have to find a translator and get Louis to a Peruvian hospital. He had to call Louis’ family and Louis’ doctors, and he’s the one who had to sit at Louis’ bedside praying for Louis to be alright. And then, when he was alright, Harry booked the first flight home that he could find and got Louis here all on his own. Even now, days later, Louis has yet to see Harry exhale. It’s like he’s too afraid to.</p>
<p>It’s Louis’ only regret, doing that to him. Well, that and them wasting so much time in the beginning pretending they were just friends. And also, <em>Louis</em> wasting so much time pretending not to love Harry with his whole heart when it’s the most obvious thing on the fucking planet. They love each other. And although Louis never thought about having a soulmate somewhere out there in the universe waiting to be found, he knows without a doubt that Harry is it. That’s why it sucks so much for them to be in this predicament where one of them is probably on his way to leaving the other. It is also why Louis nearly jumps out of his bed when his lead surgeon kindly asks everyone but family to leave and Harry heads for the door along with everyone else.</p>
<p>“Wait!” Louis yells much louder than he meant to, making everyone including Harry jump.</p>
<p>Everyone turns to look at Louis and he realizes just how crazy he probably looks right now. He ignores the attention, making eye contact with Harry only when he amends his original outburst to a much softer, “Harry stays. H-He’s um, he’s family.”</p>
<p>That seems to be news to Louis’ actual family members in the room and also Harry who blinks at Louis as if he just misheard him. Harry heard him correctly though. He now knows Louis better than anybody else here. If anyone has earned the right to stay and hear everything, the good and the bad, it’s him.</p>
<p>The small, shy grin on Harry’s face makes Louis grin for the first time in what feels like ages. It feels good. What feels even better is watching Harry come and sit at Louis’ bedside. Harry reaches over and links their fingers as a show of support, but Louis knows he really does it so Louis has a hand to squeeze while they listen to the surgeon’s plan of action and hope that whatever he’s planning to do, works.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Needed to add just one more chapter, so 13 in total! We're nearly there! <br/>Thanks for hanging in there if you've been reading along 💙</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0012"><h2>12. Chapter 12</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Everything being said by Louis’ surgeon right now feels like it’s going in one of Harry’s ears and straight out of the other. Harry has felt that way since the hospital in Peru where the only words that mattered to Harry came from the translator who finally told him that his boyfriend was going to be okay for the time being.</p>
<p>He expected to feel instant relief in that moment; like a giant weight removed from his chest, but that didn’t happen. He feels like he hasn’t taken a full breath in days, and being here in this cramped hospital room with Louis and all his loved ones isn’t helping matters.</p>
<p>Nothing they’ve heard so far sounds like good news even though they all try to find silver linings. Louis’ tumor has gotten larger despite radiation and chemo treatments last year. Its growing size is causing too much pressure to build beneath his skull which is why the migraines and other symptoms have gotten progressively worse. It’s dangerous and since treatment didn’t stop it, it’ll just keep growing the longer it’s there. The only option they have is removing it as soon as possible, which should sound like great news. Only, the operation is just as dangerous as the tumor itself, so yet again, Harry feels no relief.  </p>
<p>It’s late by the time the surgeon is done going over the plan for tomorrow morning and the nurses have finished checking in on Louis to make sure he is feeling comfortable. He looks well and as comfy as anyone could in a place like this; much better now that he’s got something a lot stronger than his regular pain meds. Harry is just happy to see him pain-free for a change and wearing a genuine grin because despite the circumstances, he is currently surrounded by his family; the people who love him the most. Harry feels so honored and lucky to be counted amongst them. If he could, Harry would sit here all night just watching him smile at the random things his youngest siblings do. Unfortunately, Harry can’t stay. None of them can because visiting hours come to an end much quicker than any of them want.</p>
<p>It’s hard to believe that in just a matter of hours Louis will be heading to an operating room somewhere none of them will be allowed. Harry has spent every day for the last six months with Louis. He can’t imagine that just stopping in the event that his surgery tomorrow morning means goodbye. Maybe that’s why Harry finds it so incredibly difficult to leave him after the night nurse kindly escorts everyone out so Louis can get some rest.</p>
<p>Harry should go as instructed because the nurse is right. Louis needs his rest tonight more than ever. But, the rushed goodnight they exchanged just now wasn’t nearly good enough. Not when they’re used to drifting off in each other’s arms and then waking up the same way.</p>
<p>He shouldn’t, but he hangs back from the group when everyone files out of Louis’ room to return to the hotel that both of their families are staying at. Harry will join them soon because he could also use some rest, but first, there’s somebody on this floor who deserves a proper goodnight.</p>
<p>Louis smiles like he’s already expecting Harry when he sneaks back through the door and softly closes it behind him.</p>
<p>“I’m calling security,” he threatens from his bed as he scoots over to make room for Harry.</p>
<p>“Oh, shut up. You are not,” Harry snorts back, quickly toeing off his shoes before claiming the little sliver of mattress that he can just squeeze himself into. He sighs as soon as he settles there at Louis’ side and Louis’ arms come around to hold Harry close the way they have every night for the past few months. It’s the first real comfort Harry has felt since arriving back home. However, the feeling only lasts for the few minutes he is able to trick his brain into ignoring reality. After a while, he is unable to pretend that the hospital is some bed and breakfast or that the harsh lights above are just the sun shining down on them on yet another beach. That’s when the panic starts trickling back in and Harry’s chest starts to physically ache realizing this really could be it; the end of something that Harry doesn’t want without Louis. He’s sick just thinking about it. He would be content staying right where he is; to fall asleep with Louis, wake up with him, and then do it all over again. But, the reality is, he may not get to.</p>
<p>“I’m so glad you came back,” Louis begins with a little chuckle. “I was just lying here staring at the ceiling thinking how much easier it’d be to fall asleep with you h-here. Haz? What’s wrong?” he asks when he notices the flood of tears that Harry feels collecting his eyes.</p>
<p>Harry vigorously shakes his head in answer, not allowing a single drop to roll down his cheeks. “I’m fine,” Harry lies, blinking back his tears and even pasting on a small smile so Louis isn’t worried. That’s the last thing they all need is for Louis to go into this worried about anyone besides himself and his recovery after a successful surgery.</p>
<p>Lying isn’t Harry’s greatest skill and they both know it. That’s why Louis doesn’t even bother entertaining Harry’s attempt as he fondly rolls his eyes at Harry.</p>
<p>“Get over here,” Louis orders, holding Harry even closer to him than before, placing Harry’s head on his chest so his fingers can gently comb through his long curls. It feels good. Almost calming enough that Harry could fall asleep right here. And he probably would if not for Louis speaking up again a minute later. “You know, whenever I pictured the night before my surgery, I never saw someone like you here with me. I really hit the fucking jackpot with you,” he teases with a humorless sort of laugh that stings like all of Louis’ morbid jokes.</p>
<p>“Lou, please,” Harry begs because usually, he can take the jokes and all the defense mechanisms. Just not tonight.</p>
<p>“Don’t <em>‘please’</em> me. I’m being serious,” Louis challenges him. “My life so far has been... hard,” he settles on after a moment. “Actually, it’s been a shitshow and extremely unfair with the people I’ve lost and the things I’ve had to go through, but you are <em>not</em> one of the shitty things that has happened to me, Haz. You are by far the absolute best thing to happen to me in a long, long time, and I promise you, I didn’t expect it.”</p>
<p>Harry didn’t expect any of this either. A year ago, the biggest thing he had going on in his life was dramatically weighing the pros and cons of going to uni.</p>
<p>Louis displaces Harry from his chest as he moves to sit up in bed to look him in the eyes. “I’m going to say something to you, and it’s going to sound... I don’t know. Weird, I guess, or morbid or something. But, the truth is, I really was ready to go. I had made peace with all of this,” he says, lazily waving a hand around at himself and his surroundings. “I was ready to die if that’s what was in the cards for me. No, listen to me,” Louis demands when Harry winces just hearing the words out loud. “That’s why I kept my distance from you for so long. It’s why I was so scared to admit to myself that I was falling for you. And, I really thought that getting the deathday holiday and getting <em>you</em> even for just a little while was enough for me,” he admits with his own eyes now flooding with unshed tears, “But it’s just not anymore, Haz.”</p>
<p>One giant tear escapes and rolls down Louis’ face, but Harry catches it with his thumb before it gets too far.</p>
<p>“I honestly tried so hard not to fucking love you and<em> now</em> look at me,” Louis jokes through a loud sniffle. “I’m a fucking mess. You ruined literally everything.”</p>
<p>“Good. That was my master plan all along. To make you cry on the eve of your big surgery,” Harry chuckles, now using the pads of most of his fingers to keep Louis’ face as tear-free as possible.</p>
<p>After a while, Harry gives up, preferring to laugh with him about how red, swollen, and snotty Louis’ face is. It feels good to laugh again about something dumb; to feel like everything is perfect, even if it’s not.</p>
<p>“You’re my best friend, you know,” Harry reveals because he doesn’t think he’s ever told Louis that. He doesn’t know why when Louis is easily the best friend he has ever had.</p>
<p>“Yeah, I know, and you’re mine,” Louis sniffs before helping a stray curl back behind Harry’s ear where it belongs. “Must be why I love you. So much.”</p>
<p>Harry never doubted that Louis loved him. He knew he had to with how much he tried running from it, and yet it still gives him butterflies to hear it.</p>
<p>“I love you too. No matter what,” Harry promises, sealing it with a kiss that’s so long they’re both breathless when they finally pull back.</p>
<p> </p>
<p> </p>
<p>Harry wakes up the next day with his stomach so nervous and unsettled that he feels like he’s going to be sick the whole morning. It’s not much change from the night before when Harry actually was sick after finally letting himself release everything he has been bottling up.</p>
<p>He was so in his head after leaving Louis’ room that he just started putting one foot in front of another with no real destination. He ended up at the end of some corridor in the hospital, angry with his throat and eyes stinging from the wall of grief pamphlets titled all kinds of horrible things; dealing with the loss of a loved one, a child, a partner, and the one that hurt Harry the most, the loss of a friend. It didn’t take long for the tears to build up in his eyes again and for the weight of the last half a year to come crashing down on him until he couldn’t breathe. Only this time, there was no one there for Harry to pretend to be strong for. He doesn’t know how long he stood there before his and Louis’ family noticed he was missing. Eventually, Harry’s sister and mother found him seemingly crying at nothing, but Harry was too upset to explain that he hated seeing all those pamphlets and that there are even pamphlets for this; that this happens so often and to so many people that there are tips for how to ‘get through it’. Just the thought of him needing any of those pamphlets was frightening enough to turn his stomach and send him running for the toilet.</p>
<p>Last night feels like a world away as Harry and everyone else heads over to the hospital before the sun has even risen.</p>
<p>It’s the last place any of them want to be, but it’s the place they are needed the most. It makes Harry sad to think how he would much rather be in Spain, Portugal, or one of the other half a dozen places he and Louis have left to see. Instead, they’re all crammed into a pre-op room, smiling, laughing, and assuring Louis that the freshly shaved stripe of hair behind his left ear makes him look cool.</p>
<p>They stay with him for as long as possible. Right up until the nurses come to collect him. This isn’t the time for bombarding Louis with goodbyes or big statements of love because everyone is afraid this is the last time they’ll see Louis still being Louis. They tell him only good things instead; painfully optimistic things like they can’t wait to take him out and celebrate once he’s tumor-free, planning a massive birthday bash for him next month, finishing out his amazing trip around the world once he’s able to; making all sorts of promises that none of them may get to keep, but they have to because they need Louis to believe that he can do this. His doctors say that Louis’ belief that he’s going to come out of this and be okay is stronger than anything they can do for him, so that’s what they all do; believe.</p>
<p> </p>
<p> </p>
<p>The family waiting room feels even more surreal than keeping up Louis’ spirits about something that may very well kill him. It’s weird to know where he is right now. That his head is lying open and a team of people are currently digging through it. Harry can’t eat or try to relax the way his sister and mother keep encouraging him to. All he can do is watch the giant clock hanging on the wall opposite him, counting down the five hours this surgery was estimated to take.</p>
<p>His stomach is in knots again, his heart stopping every time someone walks by the waiting room, hoping it’s not someone coming to tell them bad news. At this point, Harry is so anxious that he can’t think of anything else besides a doctor coming to tell them something awful.</p>
<p>He needs a distraction. Something to focus on besides things out of his control, so he pulls out his laptop and the half a dozen memory cards he filled up these past months, but hasn’t yet gotten the chance to sift through.</p>
<p>Clicking through forty-two-hundred photos is just the kind of distraction he needs. He is simply taking stock of his inventory; sorting them into folders of near perfect photos and photos that could use a little editing to make them as true to real life as possible. It’s mindless work and almost calming after a while. He is so focused on his new task that he hardly even notices his sister coming over to sit with him on the small piece of carpeted floor he claimed for himself.</p>
<p>She has been watching him closely ever since last night when she found him crying at pamphlets. Really, she’s been watching him closely since he and Louis got back. It’s probably because Harry seems so different. He certainly <em>feels</em> different than he was five months ago. He probably wouldn’t even recognize the Harry from the outdoor adventure shop, but that’s okay. He likes who he is right now. He likes who he has become with Louis, and from the proud grin on his sister’s face as she admires some of his unseen photos, she likes who he has become with Louis too.</p>
<p>“Amazing,” she says of the brightly colorful buildings in Mexico City that Harry captured just before sunset. “Well, if these beauties aren’t enough to convince you that you’re brilliant and any uni would be thrilled to have you, I don’t know what is,” Gemma teases him.</p>
<p>Harry can’t help but grin a little at the multiple genuine compliments his sister just showered over him.</p>
<p>“Thanks, Gem. That means a lot. But, uh, actually, I decided I’m not going to uni anymore. Well- <em>Louis</em> decided. I just agreed. Eventually,” Harry chuckles. “He was right. I don’t need uni to be a photographer.”</p>
<p>“No, you really don’t,” Gemma agrees. “Well, thankfully he talked you off the ledge, so now what are you going to do? These deserve much better than the infinite photo graveyard of your laptop,” she jokes.</p>
<p>Harry isn’t sure what he wants to do with thousands of nature and architectural photos, but he has a few ideas. A few weeks ago, he found a few galleries who take submissions throughout the year. He could try that. Photo magazines are also an option. Or, he could skip submissions altogether, wait and start his own thing someday. A business or gallery or whatever. He can’t wait to run it by Louis and see what he thinks.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0013"><h2>13. Chapter 13</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>As much as Harry’s photos give him something to occupy his brain and his hands, sorting through them doesn’t completely remove him from reality as he is still conscious of every second that slowly ticks by. Time seems to be moving in reverse for him and everyone else waiting for good news. However, no news feels a lot like good news since they count every hour that passes without a surgeon coming to tell them something went wrong as a blessing.</p><p>It feels like a lifetime passes before the waiting room door finally swings open. It has been much longer than the five hours they were told this would take, so everyone in the room is hardly breathing and expecting the worst. The surgeon’s natural face is hard to read, so Harry assumes whatever she has come to tell them is bad. However, it doesn’t <em>sound</em> like bad news when the surgeon quickly apologizes for their extended wait and explains that Louis made it through surgery and is now headed to recovery.</p><p>For a second, no one in the waiting room says anything as the surgeon’s words sink in.</p><p>“He- He’s alright? He’s okay?” Louis’ eldest sister asks when no one else has the courage to do so.</p><p>“Well, he’s still asleep, but, yes. He’s alright. Breathing on his own and stable for now,” the surgeon confirms before a collective sigh of relief fills the room.</p><p>Harry is so happy to hear Louis made it through that he’s hardly even listening as the surgeon continues answering different questions popping up all over the room. She explains to his eldest siblings how surgeries this big taking longer than expected is much more preferable than things ending early because they couldn’t do everything they planned. And then she explains to the smallest two how their big brother’s brain and body are exhausted from surgery so he may need to sleep for a really long time. When she puts things like that, it almost sounds like a happy ending; like Louis and everyone has made it out of the woods, and this is the end of a scary chapter in all their lives. But, what the surgeon doesn’t tell the tiny twins is what everyone else in the room was already told; that the surgery was only half the battle. The odds weren’t great for Louis making it through this surgery alive, but they are even worse for Louis waking up ever again and still being himself if he does wake. Both situations are equally terrifying, so their collective relief doesn’t last too long before fear and anxiety grip them again as their second, much longer wait begins.</p><p> </p><p>Harry’s hands keep shaking as he adjusts his tie for what must be the hundredth time since he put it on. He anxiously fiddles with the engagement ring on his finger and feels butterflies the same way he did the night he first got it. He has fantasized about this moment every day, so he never imagined he’d be this excited to be marrying the love of his life. The thing that makes him even more excited to finally be here is knowing that just down the corridor, Louis is feeling the exact same way about finally marrying him.</p><p>As soon as Harry opens his eyes and hears the beeping of machines, he realizes that sadly, he was just dreaming. Though, it was a really, really good dream; one that he hopes will someday become his reality. It would be the honor of his life to be able to keep Louis forever, to be with him always. But, to get there, a few things need to happen first. Mainly, for Louis to wake up.</p><p>It’s been nearly a full day since Louis left surgery. Seventeen hours to be exact, and so far, he still hasn’t stirred. His medical team don’t seem worried, so Harry and the rest of Louis’ family try not to worry either; something much easier said than done.</p><p>Each time Harry looks at him or it’s his turn to hold his hand, he tries not to pay attention to the loud machines hooked up to him or the bandages covering the incision on the left side of his head. Instead, Harry tries to focus on the things that are the same like the warmth of Louis’ hand and how perfectly it fits with his own. It’s those kinds of small things that Harry thinks of and holds onto when they hear Louis’ nurses and doctors quietly discussing his vitals and brain waves in ways that aren’t incredibly reassuring especially when the odds of Louis waking up decrease the longer it takes to finally happen.</p><p>Once it’s been a full twenty-four hours with no change, the room starts feeling stuffy with so many anxious people. They didn’t want Louis to wake up without anyone here, so most of them stayed overnight. They had hoped that maybe there would’ve been a change by now, but since there hasn’t it’s taking a toll on them all. They’re all tired and hungry from living off of hospital meals and vending machines for the past few days. The youngest twins are getting the most restless being in the hospital for so long, so by lunchtime, Louis’ family decides it’s time to give the twins and themselves a little break.</p><p>They decide to go out and get some lunch and some much-needed caffeine as a pick-me-up. And while that all sounds amazing, Harry can’t bring himself to join them. He would rather stay here and keep Louis company while they’re away. Louis won’t be much of a conversationalist at the moment, but just being near him is enough for Harry. It’s always been enough.</p><p>It feels strange when they’re finally alone together. It’s the first time since Harry crept into his room the night before his surgery. Curling up next to him and pretending like things were okay even just for a few minutes felt so good. It was exactly what they both needed. Now though, Harry isn’t too sure what they both need because Louis is as still and silent as ever.</p><p>It’s odd seeing Louis so quiet considering he usually never is. Harry misses Louis’ smile and his bright enthusiasm for everything that excites him. Things like music and traveling and experiencing new places. Things like his mother’s travel book Louis gave him for safe-keeping since he wouldn’t be able to look after it for a while. Harry grabs Jay’s book from the window ledge, gently riffling through the pages that smell sweet like Louis’ cologne from him falling asleep with it so many nights.</p><p>He opens it to an earmarked page about Costa Rica’s beaches. The page highlights several beaches with short reviews of each. Also on the page are notes written in the margins in neat blue ink; notes written by Jay that Louis probably has memorized from how often he reads them. Harry has always known that’s what’s drawn Louis to this book more than any other that his mother probably owned. He has even said that reading her hopes and dreams and plans for the future was one of his favorite things to do. What Harry didn’t know is that his other favorite thing to do has been responding to his mum’s notes with notes of his own. They’re like pen pals writing to each other about these beautiful, faraway places they both wanted to see.</p><p>The exchange that catches Harry’s eye the most is the one next to Playa Ventanas in Tamarindo, Costa Rica. The very beach he and Louis spent a whole day falling in love with from how beautiful it is. Apparently, Jay knew it’d be worthwhile because she said so, scribbling <em>‘Sounds like a great one. Sunset must be incredible over the rocks’. </em>Harry smiles thinking about that day and knowing that she was one-hundred percent right. That sunset was without doubt the most beautiful one they got to watch the whole holiday, and clearly, Louis agrees if his written answer is anything to go by.</p><p>
  <em>‘BEYOND incredible sunset! We loved it so much we never wanted to leave. If I never got to see anything else, I’d die the happiest I’ve been in a long time. Wish you could’ve seen it with us xx’</em>
</p><p>Harry’s heart is heavy as he flips page after page and sees the ongoing conversation that Louis has been having with his mum this whole time. A conversation about fun, traveling, and even Harry himself that got cut short because rather than finishing his holiday around the world, Louis wound up stuck here. None of it is fair and knowing that makes Harry so angry.</p><p>His eyes start stinging with tears that eventually fall the more he thinks about this whole situation and how fucked up it is that Louis is currently lying unconscious in bed. Or, at least he was just a second ago when Harry looked at him. Now, Louis is tiredly blinking at Harry with a slight frown on his face.</p><p>“Jesus,” he attempts to joke through his dry-sounding throat, “who died?”</p><p>At first, Harry’s brain doesn’t believe what he’s hearing or seeing. Just a few hours ago he and Louis were about to walk down the aisle in a dream, so his mind has been a bit fantastical lately. Louis waking up could very well just be his imagination, but he quickly realizes it’s not when Louis’ lips turn up in a small grin.</p><p>Harry was already crying, and now that Louis is awake, teasing him, and smiling like always, he’s actually sobbing from the dark cloud has finally been lifted from over his head.  </p><p>“Don’t cry, love. I’m alright,” Louis tries, affectionately rolling his eyes a moment later when he realizes there’s no stopping Harry’s happy, relieved tears no matter how hard he squeezes Harry’s hand. “If you keep that up, I’ll have to call a nurse to sedate you,” he jokes making Harry release some weird half-laugh, half-sob. He’s just so thrilled to be able to hear Louis say whatever pops into that beautiful brain of his.</p><p>“I didn’t know if I’d ever get to see you again,” Harry finally manages to say once he’s able to breathe.</p><p>So much was unknown before Louis went into surgery, including if Louis would even still be here afterwards. Harry can’t even put into words how happy he is to have his boyfriend back and tumor-free. He feels invincible; like they can take on anything, including the rest of their holiday whenever they’re ready to resume it. The best part is that they can now take on the world and this life at whatever pace they are comfortable with because besides relief, happiness, and their love for each other, the most precious gift they’ve just been given is time.</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>~Barcelona                                                                                                                                                                              ~6 Years Later</em>
</p><p>Louis wishes he had extra hands when he goes to carry his gelato order out of the shop. He finds himself wishing for extra hands a lot these days now that he has two extra people in his life who love gelato just as much as him and Harry.</p><p>“Er- Hola again. Sorry,” Louis chirps as he realizes he’s got no chance of getting four giant cups of gelato out of here without a giant spill somewhere along the beach. “Necesito una -um... una...” Louis gestures with his hands to make an invisible travel box or bag, grinning in relief when the shop owner procures a paper bag from beneath the counter.</p><p>“Una <em>bolsa. </em>It means bag,” the man tells him, grinning in approval when Louis repeats the new word to commit it to memory with the other fifty words he probably knows in Spanish. It’s pretty embarrassing given the amount of time Louis and Harry have spent in Spanish-speaking countries. All the more reason for coming on this holiday, in Louis’ opinion. Well, learning more Spanish, and also finishing up something he and Harry started six years ago.</p><p>After Louis’ surgery to remove his tumor, December came and went without any of the fears Louis originally had. He got to have another birthday, Christmas, and New Years with the people he loves the most. That was something he never expected to be able to do, along with being able to see parts of the world he and Harry never got to. That year and the next, they traded flights, hotels, and epic sunsets for being home with their families and eventually deciding to become a family of their own.</p><p>They postponed going to places like Machu Pichu and the rest of their stops for some other adventures that were just as exciting like moving in together, seeing each other’s careers take off, saying I do, and as of one year ago, becoming parents to the sweetest little boy and girl in the world; the two gelato lovers that are probably wondering what’s taking their dad so long to get back with the goods.</p><p>Louis relocates the spot along the little stone wall lining the beach that Harry scouted for them to sit and watch the waves rolling in. It is so beautiful here that Louis can see why his mother wanted to visit. He can't wait to write back to her that she was right about it as always. As soon as they got the news that Harry’s newest series of photos made it into the gallery he’s been pursuing for years and that Louis’ writing about his journey finally got picked up by a publisher, he knew this would be the perfect place to celebrate. And, also, to get their five-year-olds to fall in love with exploring new places like their dads. One of which who can’t stop taking photos of the landscape, the kids, or of Louis.</p><p>Louis rolls his eyes when he rounds the corner of the beach access gate and the paparazzo starts snapping photos.</p><p>“I’m pretty sure there’s nothing editorial or artsy about me holding a bag of gelato,” Louis snorts as he makes the twins’ whole day by handing them their desserts.</p><p>“I promised everyone back home that they’d feel like they were here with us,” Harry says in his own defense, now snapping photos of Louis distributing spoons and napkins to their kids and handing Harry his own cup of gelato.</p><p>“Um, pretty sure no one wants photos of <em>this</em>,” Louis laughs as he misses his own mouth entirely and drops chocolate gelato onto his shirt. On his second attempt, Louis makes sure to actually eat some gelato; a bit too much at once he realizes when a sharp pain runs through his head making him wince and apply pressure to the spot.</p><p>When it finally subsides, he opens his eyes to find Harry watching him the same way he does whenever Louis is feeling a little under the weather or has a headache that lasts a while. It’s a look of fear that always breaks Louis’ heart because for the last six years, he has been healthy and tumor free. And if things keep going the way they have been at his yearly checkups, he’ll stay that way for a long, long time.</p><p>“Just a little brain freeze, babe,” Louis assures him, stepping closer to him to reassure him with a kiss too for good measure. “I’m great. Better than,” he beams. “In fact, I’m feeling <em>so</em> good, I don’t just want <em>my</em> gelato. I want everyone’s!” he announces making the twins squeal in delight when he tries stealing spoonfuls of their dessert.</p><p>Harry’s bright smile and laugh are instantaneous as he goes into dad mode, warning everyone to be careful while feverishly snapping photos the whole while.</p><p>Once Louis successfully steals a taste of everyone’s gelato, he goes back to eating his own, but at a much slower pace.</p><p>“You’re really alright?” Harry checks one more time when Louis reclaims the spot next to him. As if Louis would be anything less than blissfully content in a place like this with the people who make his life worth living. <em>This </em>is all Louis ever wanted. It’s the dream he was too afraid to want in case he never got here. But, it turns out that he had nothing to worry about. Neither of them did because they ended up right where they were meant to.</p><p>“I’m perfect,” Louis tells his husband with a kiss to his jaw. “And so are we.”</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>The End</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Thank you so much to Tabby for always being my first reader! Also to Keri for reminding me of words like 'rifling' when I forget words like rifling exist 😂<br/>Also, for everyone who read along with me as I wrote this through the hardest semester of my program thus far. Thanks so much for sticking with me!💙</p><p>There is now a fic post for this one if anyone would like to reblog!<br/><a href="https://all-these-larrythings.tumblr.com/post/635534014481072128/be-here-36k-by-rearviewdreamer-for-a-long-time"> fic post</a>  &lt;3</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
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